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Sunday, March 25, 2012


Some days you just have no words. Today started out as one of those days for me. I had some other things going on that were upsetting me (and therefore wearing my patience level waaaay down) and the girls pushed my buttons one too many times while getting ready for church this morning and I LOST IT. Like lost it, lost it. Like yelling at my girls and telling them about fifty times too many exactly what they were doing that was driving me absolutely crazy. And not in a nice, loving way. More like in a "I have zero tolerance for you or anything you say or do right now" way. Yup, as patient or laid back as you think I may be, that's not always the case. There are those moments like today when my stress or emotions get the best of me and I react in the worst way. Of course this had to happen on the way to church. Ha. Gotta love the irony. We dropped the girls off at their classroom and went in to the service and I was just numb and speechless. I was even speechless inside my head (trust me, this rarely happens). I was just completely mentally and emotionally drained, not to mention feeling a little guilty for being so harsh with the girls. I was just done. I was already over the day and the day had just started. And then the band started playing my song. This is one of the songs that gets me every time....it always has a way of speaking to me right where I'm at and reminding me of the merciful grace of my savior. The grace that redeems me over and over again.

Inside Out
A thousand times I've failed
Still your mercy remains
And should I stumble again
Still I'm lost in your grace

Everlasting your light will shine when all else fades
Never ending your glory goes beyond all fame

My heart and my soul, I give you control
Consume me from the inside out
Let justice and grace become my embrace
To love you from the inside out

Your will above all else
My purpose remains
The art of losing myself
In bringing you praise

Everlasting your light will shine when all else fades
Never ending your glory goes beyond all fame
And the cry of my heart is to bring you praise
From the inside out
Lord my soul cries out to you

Ahhhh, just typing the lyrics settles my soul deep within. There is immeasurable peace that comes from knowing that His mercy never fails. I pray that daily I would lose myself....that I would be consumed with the one who laid down His life for me and that every thought and action would be held captive by that. I pray that I would relate and react to everyone I come in contact with (especially my girls) in a way that brings glory to my savior. I want his all consuming love to change me....and to continue changing me daily. Every last shortcoming: big or small.