thursday

One of my favorite memories from my childhood is all of the time I spent with my mom. I think that my mom always valued spending time together and because of this, she was always laid back about letting me take days off from school. Let's face it-it's because I was her favorite and she always wanted me around :) I can remeber taking off of school for day trips and shopping outings and mornings at Columbus Market.....I think that every school year, I pushed the attendance policy to the limit! I felt so bad for those students at graduation who received the perfect attendance award-I mean, seriously, get a life!! No offense. I love these memories. Now that I am grown, those are the days that I look back on with longing. A handful of special days playing hookey and embracing life means more to me than a hundred mundane ones.

That said, I kept Emma home from school on Thursday. We didn't do anything all that significant-we went to church for bible study and then went to Chick fil A with friends. After naptime, the girls rode their bikes for a little while around the neighborhood and then we went to the gym. But to Emma, these little things meant everything. It was a day of the week where she didn't need to leave her mommy and her sisters behind. A day where she could just BE. On the way home from the gym that night, she was writing in her journal and asked me how to spell "Thursday. It's a good day. I'm happy.". This response would seem typical for most kids. Coming from Emma, this spoke volumes and brought tears to my eyes. Two days later, during breakfast she got her journal out and asked how to spell "Today is a bad day. A terrible, horrible, bad, bad day." That's Emma for you :)

let the craziness begin.....

Ryan left this morning on a business trip, so it's me and the girls for the rest of the week. I am already feeling the pain of his absence-time to drive Emma to school! I forget sometimes how spoiled I am by having him take her and pick her up everyday. It's not easy getting myself and three kids fed, dressed and out the door by 8:30. Maybe that means I should get off of the computer??!

an ode to claire bear

What a gay title!! Claire is getting so big these days-I can't believe that it is almost time for me to start planning her first birthday party. I just thought I'd take a second to jot down a few things about what she's up to these days. She absolutely loves food, just like Madeline did. She's eating everything in sight!! Her favorite thing to eat right now are tomatoes and she gets so mad if someone else is eating them and she's not. I am slowly starting to wean her:( Today I cut back her afternoon feeding, so now she's only nursing twice a day. Ryan and I are going on a cruise with some friends in 5 weeks (can't wait!!) so I need to start cutting the ties. I am excited to go away without the kids, but heartbroken at the thought of being away from Claire for the first time. She has six giant teeth and she LOVES to use them. She bites my arm whenever I am holding her (I've actually got bruises from it) and she thinks it's hilarious. Me-not so much. The madder I get, the funnier she thinks it is. She is starting to get really vocal and babbles all the time. Her only real words are mama and dada and once or twice I've heard her say "uh oh", but of course when I try to get her to repeat it she looks at me like I'm crazy. She loves anybody and everybody that she comes in contact with and she HATES to be alone. As long as she can see another person, she's as happy as can be but as soon as you walk out of the room she screams her head off. Good thing I've got two big sisters who can "babysit" her for me :) When she smiles she squints her eyes and her whole entire face scrunches up. She is super cuddly and I love more than anything to just sit with her and hold her whenever I get the chance. I am savoring every second with my last baby because I know it goes by way too fast.

Maybe I'm not the worst mother ever, afterall. At dinner tonight I overheard the mom at the table behind us asking her daughter what she wanted from the grocery store for breakfast this week.....the options were poptarts, muffins, BROWNIES, or pretzels. Really?! Do people really let their kids eat brownies and pretzels for breakfast??? I guess I can stop beating myself up over the fact that I have been allowing my kids to eat Fruit Loops this week. It could be worse :)

so big so fast

I don't know when it happened, but suddenly Emma seems so grown up. She is quickly moving from a little girl to a "kid". Does it happen when they turn 5?? Or when they start to round that corner from preschool to Kindergarten?? Here are just a few examples of things I've noticed in the past few days that remind me that my baby is getting big.
I can just barely hold her anymore....and when I am holding her, she's almost as long as I am :( She often starts conversations with, "Hey mom, you know what's really interesting.........". Yesterday, she woke up from her nap before everyone else, so she grabbed a tube and floated with me in the pool and just talked my ear off about friends and school and whatever else was on her mind. Was it really only five years ago that she was just a baby?

easter weekend..continued!

happy girl

funny faces :)

By this point in the weekend, Ryan and I are so worn out that we are going out to dinner in our scrubs. At least the girls still have their dresses on :)

I tried to put Emma's hair in rollers before church. She cried and yelled at me and told me that I made her hideous. Did I ever mention that little girls are often emotional?!

The craziness of our holiday weekend continued on Sunday!! Emma woke up at 6:30 screaming when she saw her easter basket, which of course woke up the entire household :) The girls hunted around the house for eggs until it was light enough (and late enough...trying to be considerate of the neighbors!) to go outside to hunt for some more. They were surprisingly good about sharing the eggs and not fighting for them. An egg had to pretty much smack Madeline in the face in order for her to see it, so Emma was a great big sister and helped point out eggs to her. The Leap Frog computers from the easter bunny were a huge hit!! Ryan and Iourselves all were enjoying a day of silence as the girls had their faces glued to their games and wondering why we hadn't bought them sooner :) The girls were already starting to meltdown by 8:30 in the morning. After church, we went to Grandma & Grampa's house for brunch...yum! Then we came home and Ryan and the girls took naps and I floated in the pool. Then we went out to dinner (and actually ate in peace thanks to the Leapsters!!) and took the girls to see the Hannah Montana movie. They loved it-Emma would get all shy and try to hide her head whenever there was a romantic scene and Madeline laughed at the top of her lungs (by far the loudest person in the whole theater) whenever there was a funny scene. The girls were wiped out from a long weekend of nonstop fun and too much candy. Emma passed out immediately in the car on the way home and ended up sleeping all night in her easter dress. Madeline was so overtired that she fought going to bed and stayed up until 10:45 screaming her head off. Claire was just going with the flow as usual :) You think I would've learned my lesson and made the kids stay home and get well rested today, but it was Emma's last day off of school and we spent the afternoon playing at Chick fil A with friends instead. I guess tomorrow will have to be our day for getting back to reality.

an unexpected gift

It's been almost five years since we've moved into our house. At the time, my brother was "healthy" and leading a normal life. He lived on his own and had a job traveling around selling tropical plants. We had only lived in our house for a few days and it was still mostly empty when Tim came over to Fort Myers for the day to sell us plants for our backyard. Thanks to my lack of a green thumb, a few of those plants didn't survive, but five years later, most of them are still here....even though my brother is not. I remember that day so clearly, when my brother used his love of the outdoors and his knowledge of landscaping to help us make our new house feel more like our home. It is so special to me that I can daily look out my windows and see those palm trees growing big and strong and be reminded of Tim.

Tomorrow it will be fifteen months since he's been gone and there are still so many things about him that I remember so clearly and miss so much. I remember that when he would tell a joke, he would laugh out of the left side of his mouth. I remember that he had bright, sparkling eyes that had so much love in them (especially for his little sister!). I remember that he is probably the only person I've ever met that actually loved strawberry slimfast shakes (ew!). I remember that when he was annoyed with me or wouldn't want me around, he'd tell me to "beat it". I remember that he had really skinny ankles for such a big guy-not a gene that I inherited, unfortunately. Maybe the fact that his ankles were so skinny is why he always loved to point out that mine were not! I remember how much he always loved kids and how great he was as an uncle. One of the things I miss the most is that my Madeline and Claire with never know about this love. I am thankful that Emma will. I remember sitting on the couch with him the day before he went to hospice and wiping his mouth as he ate. I remember still joking with him the day before he died even though he was barely conscious. I remember how brave he was lying those months in that bed waiting to die. I am beyond thankful today, as I celebrate Easter, that the reason he could be so brave was that he knew the importance of what Jesus did on the cross and he knew that because he had a saviour who died for him, he had nothing to fear. I remember that as he took his last breath, he smiled.