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Sunday, April 12, 2009

an unexpected gift

It's been almost five years since we've moved into our house. At the time, my brother was "healthy" and leading a normal life. He lived on his own and had a job traveling around selling tropical plants. We had only lived in our house for a few days and it was still mostly empty when Tim came over to Fort Myers for the day to sell us plants for our backyard. Thanks to my lack of a green thumb, a few of those plants didn't survive, but five years later, most of them are still here....even though my brother is not. I remember that day so clearly, when my brother used his love of the outdoors and his knowledge of landscaping to help us make our new house feel more like our home. It is so special to me that I can daily look out my windows and see those palm trees growing big and strong and be reminded of Tim.

Tomorrow it will be fifteen months since he's been gone and there are still so many things about him that I remember so clearly and miss so much. I remember that when he would tell a joke, he would laugh out of the left side of his mouth. I remember that he had bright, sparkling eyes that had so much love in them (especially for his little sister!). I remember that he is probably the only person I've ever met that actually loved strawberry slimfast shakes (ew!). I remember that when he was annoyed with me or wouldn't want me around, he'd tell me to "beat it". I remember that he had really skinny ankles for such a big guy-not a gene that I inherited, unfortunately. Maybe the fact that his ankles were so skinny is why he always loved to point out that mine were not! I remember how much he always loved kids and how great he was as an uncle. One of the things I miss the most is that my Madeline and Claire with never know about this love. I am thankful that Emma will. I remember sitting on the couch with him the day before he went to hospice and wiping his mouth as he ate. I remember still joking with him the day before he died even though he was barely conscious. I remember how brave he was lying those months in that bed waiting to die. I am beyond thankful today, as I celebrate Easter, that the reason he could be so brave was that he knew the importance of what Jesus did on the cross and he knew that because he had a saviour who died for him, he had nothing to fear. I remember that as he took his last breath, he smiled.


jessica said...

that is so awesome ali, that you can remember with joy so much about him and have joy remembering. god is good, and praise him for the Hope He has given us today!

Sweet Treats and Baby Feet said...

I loved reading this! I have memories of Tim from us growing up too. You can praise that you will be with him again someday! Happy Easter:) He has Risen!!!

ourbabymakesfour said...

What a beautiful post. Tears are flowing for me.

The Neal Family said...

You are so strong and that was really beautiful.
He'd be proud of his little sister I am sure.