longest post ever, but worth the read

I am officially the world's worst mother. Last night, I had one of my worst fears come true....it's so humiliating, but so unreal that I just have to share:) The last few nights I have been going out alone after the kids go to bed to run errands, do some christmas shopping, etc.. Ryan has been great about putting the kids to bed and giving me some time to get these things accomplished. It's amazing how much more I can get done when I am out without the kids. (This is me laying the groundwork to defend the stupidity that is to come.) So, yesterday we had a new sofa delivered. We have been in the process of redecorating our living room and finally broke down and bought a new sofa. The new sofa arrives, Ryan leaves to go watch the Eagles game, and I sit for three hours staring at the new sofa, feeling like I am gonna throw up because I am in shock and I hate it. (My mom had a good point that I have cried after every haircut my entire life and I live in a constant state of buyer's remorse and that the sofa will grow on me. Ryan has even commented in the past that he's surprised that I haven't traded him in for a newer model...I am known for second guessing all of my decisions, this new couch being the latest, I guess.) That aside, Ryan finally gets home and I tell him that I can't stand the new couch and we need to immediately go to Homegoods and World Market to buy some throw pillows and blankets to try to make it look better. His reply is that rather than the entire family going, why doesn't he stay home with the kids and I just go. I think to myself, that's perfect. I will just leave Claire in her crib sleeping and get home in time to feed her after her nap. Then, at the last minute I decide to take Claire with me because I'm afraid I will get sidetracked while I'm shopping and it will be easier to have her with me than to worry about rushing home to feed her. So, we head off to World Market and the whole way there I am still thinking about the new sofa and still wanting to barf. I get to the store and go inside and examine every pillow and blanket they have in the store trying to decide what my new color theme is gonna be and how I am ever going to like my living room again. After about 2o minutes (maybe longer?!), Ryan calls to check in and I start to ask him if Claire has woken up yet when it hits me that SHE ISN'T IN HER CRIB SLEEPING, SHE'S OUT IN THE CAR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! You should have seen me throw everything to the ground and sprint to the parking lot like a mad woman. Ryan was on the phone the whole time and could not believe what was happening. Thankfully, Claire was sitting in her carseat as happy as can be and the police where not there to arrest me. (I'm joking, but I'm serious at the same time.) Ever since I have had kids, the thought of this exact thing happening has always freaked me out...I can't believe that it actually did. I wanted to die. I thank God for protecting her and for the fact that I realized it when I did and that this happened on a cool fall day and not in the middle of the summer. Worst mother in the world. Oh my gosh, I will never let myself live this one down.......

But wait, it continues. I went to Target this morning to get some groceries and had a few extra minutes before I needed to be at Pilates, so I thought I would run into Homegoods. I did a quick five minute run through the store and found nothing to make my couch look less hideous in my house, so I proceeded to leave. Claire was in her carseat in the front of the cart and Madeline was hanging out in the back of the cart. Well, the cart proceeded to get stuck on the metal threshhold of the doorway and FLIP OVER with my children inside. No joke. They both came crashing to the ground before I could steady it. Madeline was ok, but very scared. Claire, on the otherhand, has her first black eye. That's right. My five month old baby has a black eye. You could see her eye start to swell right away, but her face was so red from her crying so much that it was hard at first to evaluate if anything else was hurt. I was terrified. I had three employees and two random men helping me and Ryan came right away (I got a hold of him just before my cell phone died). I think I shook for an hour. To see this all happen right before my eyes was the scariest thing. The girls could have gotten seriously hurt...the black eye is nothing compared to how bad it could have been. Ugh.

I'm not leaving my house the rest of the week.