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Monday, November 24, 2008

longest post ever, but worth the read

I am officially the world's worst mother. Last night, I had one of my worst fears come true....it's so humiliating, but so unreal that I just have to share:) The last few nights I have been going out alone after the kids go to bed to run errands, do some christmas shopping, etc.. Ryan has been great about putting the kids to bed and giving me some time to get these things accomplished. It's amazing how much more I can get done when I am out without the kids. (This is me laying the groundwork to defend the stupidity that is to come.) So, yesterday we had a new sofa delivered. We have been in the process of redecorating our living room and finally broke down and bought a new sofa. The new sofa arrives, Ryan leaves to go watch the Eagles game, and I sit for three hours staring at the new sofa, feeling like I am gonna throw up because I am in shock and I hate it. (My mom had a good point that I have cried after every haircut my entire life and I live in a constant state of buyer's remorse and that the sofa will grow on me. Ryan has even commented in the past that he's surprised that I haven't traded him in for a newer model...I am known for second guessing all of my decisions, this new couch being the latest, I guess.) That aside, Ryan finally gets home and I tell him that I can't stand the new couch and we need to immediately go to Homegoods and World Market to buy some throw pillows and blankets to try to make it look better. His reply is that rather than the entire family going, why doesn't he stay home with the kids and I just go. I think to myself, that's perfect. I will just leave Claire in her crib sleeping and get home in time to feed her after her nap. Then, at the last minute I decide to take Claire with me because I'm afraid I will get sidetracked while I'm shopping and it will be easier to have her with me than to worry about rushing home to feed her. So, we head off to World Market and the whole way there I am still thinking about the new sofa and still wanting to barf. I get to the store and go inside and examine every pillow and blanket they have in the store trying to decide what my new color theme is gonna be and how I am ever going to like my living room again. After about 2o minutes (maybe longer?!), Ryan calls to check in and I start to ask him if Claire has woken up yet when it hits me that SHE ISN'T IN HER CRIB SLEEPING, SHE'S OUT IN THE CAR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! You should have seen me throw everything to the ground and sprint to the parking lot like a mad woman. Ryan was on the phone the whole time and could not believe what was happening. Thankfully, Claire was sitting in her carseat as happy as can be and the police where not there to arrest me. (I'm joking, but I'm serious at the same time.) Ever since I have had kids, the thought of this exact thing happening has always freaked me out...I can't believe that it actually did. I wanted to die. I thank God for protecting her and for the fact that I realized it when I did and that this happened on a cool fall day and not in the middle of the summer. Worst mother in the world. Oh my gosh, I will never let myself live this one down.......

But wait, it continues. I went to Target this morning to get some groceries and had a few extra minutes before I needed to be at Pilates, so I thought I would run into Homegoods. I did a quick five minute run through the store and found nothing to make my couch look less hideous in my house, so I proceeded to leave. Claire was in her carseat in the front of the cart and Madeline was hanging out in the back of the cart. Well, the cart proceeded to get stuck on the metal threshhold of the doorway and FLIP OVER with my children inside. No joke. They both came crashing to the ground before I could steady it. Madeline was ok, but very scared. Claire, on the otherhand, has her first black eye. That's right. My five month old baby has a black eye. You could see her eye start to swell right away, but her face was so red from her crying so much that it was hard at first to evaluate if anything else was hurt. I was terrified. I had three employees and two random men helping me and Ryan came right away (I got a hold of him just before my cell phone died). I think I shook for an hour. To see this all happen right before my eyes was the scariest thing. The girls could have gotten seriously hurt...the black eye is nothing compared to how bad it could have been. Ugh.

I'm not leaving my house the rest of the week.


jessica said...

oh ali, what a couple days. to make you feel better....a few weeks ago owen escaped out of the backyard and crossed the street to go say hi to our neighbors dog before i found him! ;-) i feel your pain, and i am still waiting for them to call dyfus on me!

Sweet Treats and Baby Feet said...

Ali, I am so sorry! Motherhood can be so tough. We are so lucky to have an amazing God who has plans for us to prosper and who protects us. I am sure that there will be lots for you learn and grow from during this time. When Jack was 7 weeks I dropped him from his car seat onto the pavement and he had a black eye, too. I felt like the worst mom, too. Then at four months I threw him into the air and his head hit the ceiling fan that was ON! OK so I am sure you will hear lots of stories like this and they won't make you feel better. I will pray for you and your family today. You are not a bad mom, you are an amazing mommy and God gave you these babies because He knew you were perfect for them!
I would LOVE to see you and meet you girls. Let's get something on the calendar so it happens!
Hang in there!

The Neal Family said...

awwww ali! you are just like any other mom out there who tries to juggle it all. my only advice is to remember all the AWESOME mommy things you do and have faith in knowing that you really are a wonderful mom who gives her girls the very best all the time. AND just try to stay in the moment and not put too much pressure on yourself to get too much done. your kids won't notice a messy house or beds left unmade. :) i seriously read your posts and aspire to be the type of mommy that you've become.

and ps i'm the ONLY mom who hit her kid in music class yesterday with the bells and made her scream bloody murder. $hit happens :)


ourbabymakesfour said...

I am so sorry this happened to you Ali. I can imagine with 3 the brain is really gone. Mine is gone w/ only 1!!!! Don't beat yourself up about it.. you are a wonderful Mom. These things are bound to happen at some point! xo

puppy dogs and ice cream said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
puppy dogs and ice cream said...

ALI!!!!!!!!! i love you:) you are a great mom..just a rough coupla days..we all have them. listen.. anytime you feel bad, just think about my kids, and the window on the second floor.. k? and one time i left cole in his carrier time in kates pre school class and as i walked out of the room i heard the teacher saying to someone, "your baby! you left your baby!" and i thought to myself.. who left their baby??? haha-this is what happens when i try to do everything and dont sleep! haha.. we all have our stories.. thank the Lord we have God watching over us and our precious babies!!:) big HUG!