{four}

The question I get more than any other (and the one I have the most difficulty answering) is without a doubt "Are you having more kids?". For Ryan, the answer is a resounding 100% NO! He has a long list of very logical reasons for why we should not have another baby. For me, the answer is not so simple. I also have a list and it's anything but logical: I have always wanted to have four kids...I don't know if I just like round numbers or if four just seems like a lot and three doesn't (unless they are all complaining, whining or fighting...then three seems like plenty!) or if I just want one more baby to name and dress (could be!) or if I don't want my babies to grow up and that phase of my life to be over (sniff, sniff) or if deep down inside I really do feel like our family isn't complete just yet. What I do know is that I struggle with this daily. Take yesterday, for example....I'm at the pool with the kids which, like most things lately, has become QUITE EASY. I spent all morning watching a mother of three preschoolers lose her mind at the baby pool. Literally, this lady was on the verge of losing it. Chasing all three kids at once, screaming at them, pulling her hair out...the whole nine yards. Meanwhile, Emma and Madeline were off having tea parties underwater and taking turns on the diving board while Claire waded in the baby pool with her Barbies and I was laying out working on my tan and reading a book. I kept thinking about how relieved I was that I was no longer in the throes of toddler chasing, diaper changing, never sit still motherhood and how it really was ok if I never had another baby. While I was still reveling in my "life is good" mindset, I walked right past the cutest mom ever (tiny bikini, toned body, tanned skin and all), with her FOUR girls in matching swimsuits and eight little pink rubber flip flops all lined up in a row and the longing hit me in the gut all over again. SO. TYPICAL. It left me right back at sqaure one thinking that if I could throw all logic out the window, I'd have another baby in a heartbeat. Because the only thing cuter than three little girls......is four:)

xoxo,
ali