{stop the essays}

STOP. Just stooooooopppppppppppp. Enough of these essays already people; I can't take it anymore.  Here's the thing.  I am a wishy-washy person.  It's who I am.  Don't get the wrong idea, my core values are unchanging and unchangeable.  BUT when it comes to trivial things, I can go either way at any given moment.  I straddle many lines.  And my mind/persona cannot take being swayed by one more Internet essay.

For example, I am a born & bred Republican.  One of my favorite people in the world is a Democrat (don't worry, I won't publicly out you and reveal your secret!) and when she explains to me why she leans that way, it makes sense to me.  Perhaps because I am wishy-washy.  Or perhaps because the way I am created is that my heart bleeds for humanity and on some level relates to people wherever they are and for whoever they are.  I have many friends that are beautiful and charmed and wealthy and when I am with them, I can see and feel the world from that point of view.  It clicks with me.  But then I can turn and meet someone who is the polar opposite; who comes from nothing and lacks what seems like everything and my heart is instantly engaged and that clicks with me too. I "get" country club life, luxury cars, million dollar homes, designer clothes and over priced lattes.  But I "get" run down duplexes, public transportation and working six days a week at the deli to make ends meet too.  I am, by nature, an empathizer, seeing bits of myself in everyone....relating on some level to other people....seeing them where they are at and understanding it (even if only a little bit).  One of my best friends is a heels in the sand, dying on the mountain top for her cause type (and I love that about her). But it's so not me.  I may not agree with animal cruelty, but I would jump at the chance to take my kids to the circus. I don't have many mountain tops to stand on because the view, as I see it, is always changing and is always a little different.

Which leads me to me growing frustration with all of these essays floating around online. For the past several weeks, this has been driving me crazy.  Every day I wake up to new Facebook posts about the trend of the day/week in either mom defense or bashing.  If you tell me that it is terrible for me to be on my iPhone too much and that I am missing out on my children growing up, chances are I will tear up and swear off my phone.  But then someone else will tell me that being on my phone is my one chance as a stay at home mom to connect with the outside world; my one chance in the day for survival and I instantly resonate with that and feel entitled to scroll away.  Or I will go pinterest/party planning blog over the top holiday crazy and feel so accomplished and creatively satisfied only to read a article about how annoying it all is and can we please just stop and then I feel like I am doing something wrong.  Can't win if I am a pinterest worthy mom/can't win if I'm not.  You get the picture.  Oh, and then there is the "screen time" debate and whether or not we are frying our kids brain cells with too much technology...which is easy to say on a good day but on a day when the household is up at 5am?  Not. So. Easy. When you are raising a houseful of children, is there ever the same formula for success on any given day?  I think not.  Here's what I have to say to it all: please just stop.  Give yourselves and everyone else a break before we make each other crazy judging each person's each and every move.  For those of you that can read one article and stand on that mountain top forever, I commend you for your unwavering-ness.  But for the rest of us who are often unsure of ourselves (especially when it comes to parenting) can we please just let each of us figure it out for ourselves....to do what is right and best for each of our own lives and leave it at that?  Seems to me it would be a whole lot less stressful to just live in the moment without worrying if you are doing it perfectly or not.  Perfection, remember, can never be achieved.  Which makes me oh so grateful for never ending grace and a God who already has it all figured out....

xoxo,
ali


p.s.  Three posts in one night. Either I'm making up for lost time or I have so much caffeine running through my veins that I will never need another cup of coffee again...or at least until 9am when I crash.

{currents faves}

Ok, I realized that I posted a blog update that was really nothing other me saying "hey, I'm gonna write again" which really is saying nothing at all.  2am has turned into 3am and my heart is still racing with yesterday's chick-fil-a iced tea and English toffee k-cups, so I will at least update with a list of my current favorites. Here goes....

1.  California. Ok, since I am not there yet, it is not actually California, but the thought of California. Ever since I was a little girl California, to me, has been the coolest place ever.  I love that I married a California boy who will always hold a big place in his heart for his home state.  This means that every few years we get lured back there for a visit....and the next visit happens to be taking place in t minus 26 hours!!!! Bring. On. The. Sunshine.

2. Loreal B.B cream.  Life changer.  My skin has never looked better...even got my mom, sister & aunt on the bandwagon.  There is no denying it...it's THE BEST.  Thanks Sara for the tip, I owe you!

3.  Kickboxing.  And old love actually, but one I've fallen in love with all over again. Nothing beats an hour of punching and kicking the crap out of a bag....best stress relief EVER.

4.  Spring clothes!!!!!!! I cannot stress this one enough.  I always find myself going a little crazy this time of year.  I hate winter clothes. Despise them.  And my kids?  Please.  They have worn nothing but grey and black for the past four months straight and with weird looking shoes to top it off.  I want to burn their wardrobes at this point.  I have been scooping up spring clothes like crazy and can't wait for us all to wear it all (and to sport tans to go with it).  Which leads me to....

5.  MAXI DRESSES.  This may quite possibly always be my number one love.  Enough said. (Oh, and I love that my little sis is equally as obsessed and every few days we share our finds with each other so neither of us is out of the loop. Wouldn't want to miss out on greatness!).

6.  My preschooler.  For the first time in a long time (since Madeleine was born, really) I have just one girl at home during the day.  I have been adoring every minute with Claire (even though she often talks until my head hurts)....she's my best bud and her affection is ridiculously addicting.  I am savoring every ounce of time I have with my last baby for as long as I have it.

7.  My friends.  Almost three years into our big move and I have my handful of go-to girls that I can't imagine living without...and for that I know I am blessed.

8.  Driving the girls to school.  Ever since Christmas break, we have been skipping the bus and I've been dropping them off at school.  For no other reason except they aren't big fans of the bus and I love watching them hop out of the car and start off on their day...and it buys me an extra 20 minutes with them in the morning.

9.  Serena & Lily catalog. Every page kills me.

10. Party planning.  It's my not so secret obsession and this time of year it sort of consumes me.  But when the big day comes and all the pieces fall into place it is sooooooooooooooo worth it!

11.  This blog.  When I couldn't sleep tonight, I spent hours sitting in a chair reliving the years when my girls were babies...remembering bits and pieces of our past that I wouldn't have ever remembered.  So thankful that I took the time to record it all down: the good, the bad and the ugly...because those times seem like a lifetime ago and at the very least while I read, I can kinda sorta get them back.  Even if it's only in my memory......

I'm off to (hopefully) catch a few hours of sleep before the little one wakes up.  It's so good to be back!

xoxo,
ali

{surprise, surprise....i'm back}

Well hello there!  It has been too long. Waaaaaaaaay toooooooo long.  After several months of people asking me when I was going to start blogging again, the dreaded weekly blog stat emails {that I couldn't bear to open because I felt awful knowing that even a single person was logging on only to see the same annoying post staring back at them} and a little too much caffeine today,  here I am.  At 2am on a Wednesday.  After logging onto the blog for the first time in nearly a year, I was instantly reminded of why I started it in the first place.  Time moves much too quickly and the time I have with my girls is SO fleeting.  Heartbreakingly fleeting.  It is beyond precious for me to look back at the little every day-isms and phases & stages of their lives that always pass before I'm ready {ok, not ALWAYS before I'm ready...truth be told, some phases should end before they even start like 5am wake up habits} and to be reminded of the little things that I would've otherwise forgotten.  So I'm back to document our ordinary life and my attempts to see the beauty in it all.  Because any way you look at it, there's no denying it: life is a gift and IT IS BEAUTIFUL.

xoxo,
ali

p.s.  It's birthday season around here!  For the first time, M & C will be celebrating separately which means back to back bashes and twice the obsessing for me over the next two months.  I am so excited about each of their themes....I can't decide which one I love more!  Can't wait to post my finding as they come....many stolen {thanks Pinterest}, some original.....and all making me way more excited than they should ;-)

"May The Lord bless you and keep you.  May his face shine upon you and be gracious."  Numbers 6:24

{two feet running}

I have a little problem. For the better part of eight years, I haven't really slept. And it tends to make me a little grumpy. I used to daydream about being a stay at home mom and not needing an alarm clock because I wouldn't have any job to have to run off to. My time would be all my own and life would be like a permanent vacation. (In case you didn't know this by now, I tend to lean more towards the lazy side than the driven side...I prefer to think I'm just more fun than serious:)). What I didn't realize was that my need for no alarm clock would not be because I would be sleeping in until my heart desires and then drinking a lazy cup of coffee while my little angels played quietly in a sunlit room. Exactly the opposite in fact. The reason one does not need an alarm clock when living with young children is because they wake up EARLY. And if they are my children, they wake up more on the crack of dawn/borderline insane side of early. Oh, and there is no lazy cup of coffee but rather a cup that gets reheated ten times a morning before finally throwing the towel in on the idea all together. And have I mentioned that they don't wake up and play quietly in a sunlit room because 1. it is still dark when they wake up during most months of the year and 2. they are hungry and they want breakfast and they want it like NOW. For years, I have tried my hardest to deny this problem. Although my girls are up early, I set them up in front of the TV and crawl back into my bed and fool myself into thinking I can squeeze in an hour more sleep. What really happens is that someone is hungry or thirsty or fighting over what show they will watch or turning the volume up so loudly that sleeping isn't an option even for our neighbors. And so my day starts...with me being tired, annoyed, and disappointed that my best efforts have failed. Lately, I've decided to attack the problem head on and it has worked wonders. The new me bounces out of bed after the first girl (who am I kidding, it's always Claire) rises and jumps in the shower. We are talking full hair and makeup before 7am. Sometimes waaaaay before 7am. It's kind of amazing how a good hair day can change one's mood and outlook on the day. I am much nicer these mornings with a good blowout than with a bad case of bed head. I'm pretty sure the bus driver and everyone else I come across on the walk to the bus stop appreciates my lack of pajamas and bed head too. I've learned to just embrace the fact that while my girls are precious, adorable, great sleepers, just not great sleeper-inners I need to roll with the punches and sacrifice that extra hour of sleep so that I can give the best of myself to them. And on the days when I'm scatterbrained and forget that I have a parent teacher conference until ten minutes before it's set to start it kind of helps to be all dressed and ready to too. Oh...and my hubby gets to kiss a normal looking wife goodbye in the mornings rather than a sleep induced zombie. It's a win all around:) xoxo, ali

{for the love of COFFEE}

Today, all I want is a cup of coffee. A warm cup in my hands; a chance to wake myself up, clear my head and start my day. Preferably in peace. Not. Gonna. Happen. It's one of those days (ok, with three small children in the house everyday is one of those days) where it takes me two hours in to morning before I even have a moment to myself to actually make the coffee. Then it's a matter of finding the time to actually drink it. Typically, I have the first sip or two before I go off helping someone with this or cleaning that and the next thing I know another two hours has passed and I'm reheating the coffee over and over again before I finally give up. Or, like today, I sit down and actually try to down a few sips when Claire comes and kicks the mug over and spills the said coffee all over the living room floor. Agh!!!! One day my house will be empty and I'll have hour upon hour to drink my coffee in peace and quiet. I'm sure it won't be nearly as great as it sounds. Until then, I'm embracing the busyness and remembering the ones who are keeping me so busy are far greater than a cup of coffee ever will be. Happy caffeinating....hopefully you're coffee fix today goes better than mine did!

xoxo,

ali

{forever reign}

It's Easter week and this year I'm focusing on quieting my heart, slowing down my life a little and taking the time to reflect on what the death, burial and resurrection really and truly mean in my life. This is my favorite song of the moment and it perfectly depicts just why the work done on the cross is so essential to all aspects of my life.

Forever Reign by Hillsong United

You are good, you are good

When there's nothing good in me

You are love, you are love

On display for all to see

You are light, you are light

When the darkness closes in

You are hope, you are hope

You have covered all my sin

You are peace, you are peace

When my fear is crippling

You are true, you are true

Even in my wandering

You are joy, you are joy

You're the reason that I sing

You are life, you are life

In you death has lost its sting

You are more, you are more

Than my words will ever say

You are Lord, you are Lord

All creation will proclaim

You are here, you are here

In your presence I'm made whole

You are God, you are God

Of all else I'm letting go

This is Jesus. He is good, loving, my light and my hope. He is peace, he is true...he is my joy and my life. I can't think of a day that goes by when I don't need the Lord to show up and take over because I've got it all wrong and he's sufficient to meet my every need and shortcoming. If it weren't for Easter Sunday.....if he really didn't conquer death.....then he would've just been a mere man and I wouldn't have this indescribable gift. But He IS risen. And I will never be the same because of it.

xoxo,

ali

{egg hunt}

This morning I took Claire and Madeline to the MOPS Easter egg hunt. SO. MUCH. FUN! There is a sweet couple that has a gorgeous property that they graciously lend out each year to put on this event for the kiddos. It was absolutely adorable. The girls decorated their bags for the hunt and then had the best time scouring the beautiful grounds to find their eggs. Once they collected their eggs, they got to crack them open, collect their candy and turn the empty eggs in for a prize! Next, they took a tractor ride around the yard and then we played games on the lawn (three legged races and spoon&egg races)....this was their favorite part. The mommies all had to race as well and it melted my heart to see the kids all cheering their moms on from the sidelines. PRECIOUS. I'm pretty sure Madeline wanted nothing in the world more than for me to win and I'm pretty sure a big gust of wind knocked my egg off the spoon and I lost at the last minute. Oh well! The very best part of the morning was when the sweet hostess gathered all of the kids inside her living room to share the Easter story with them and to give them a sticker craft on the resurrection to bring home. Such a precious morning celebrating our risen savior with my precious little girls. I am so thankful for the generosity of the Rementov family and for all the effort they put into making such a special time for our kids. I can only hope that when I'm older and my kids are grown I will make an effort to bless other the way they bless us. Lots of pics to follow!

xoxo,

ali

{day trip}

Today, Ryan constructed a playhouse for the girls (yay!!). We wanted it to be a surprise, so the deal was that he would spend the day assembling it and I would take off with the girls. How do I kill 8 hours on a cold, rainy day? The Pottery Barn outlet, of course! The girls were less than thrilled to be taking the long ride to "horse and buggy town", but we decided to make the most of it. We spoke in English accents for a good part of the ride, looked out the window at the beautiful farmlands while girls dreamed up what their farm would be like if they had one, browsed around our favorite antique store to scope out treasures "older than grandma mimi", we stopped to play at the playground and then it was kid's choice for the restaurant for dinner. It was a fabulous day filled with so many adorable memories with my gang. And the shrieks of joy when they saw their new playhouse was so, so worth it!

Oh, and one of my very favorite parts of the day was this: As we were heading out to leave for the day, I pulled up to the drive through to grab lunch for the girls. Emma informed me that she had already packed everyone's lunch. Sure enough, I looked in the back seat and there were three little lunch boxes complete with pb&j sandwiches, juice boxes, bottled water, a snack and a piece of candy for dessert. Ha! I love that girl. I better watch out or before I know it I'll be out of a job!

xoxo,

ali

p.s. I'm not a huge fan of the "orangey cedar look" so I'm really pushing to have the playhouse painted pale yellow to match our real house. Wish me luck!;-)

{almost that time again}

I just came across this picture of my two littles at their 3 & 5 year old check ups. Yesterday I ordered the invitations for their birthday party which means that party planning has officially begun....which also means that before I know it we will be sitting in Dr. Dorn's office again in those adorable little gowns and my adorable (and silly!) little girls will be a whole year older. Boooooo:( Dear time, please. stand. STILL. Or at the very least...slow down just a little?

xoxo,

ali

{future style star}

I have jokingly been referring to Madeline as my little fashionista for awhile now. She gives me a run for my money every day when it comes to her wardrobe....changing her outfit at least five times each morning (leaving a trail of clothes in her dust). There is usually a small, if not large, amount of drama that we go through each day over what she is or isn't allowed to wear, what her sister is wearing that she wants, what's appropriate for the weather or the occasion, etc. Clothing drama. All. The. Time. Tonight, I put her and Claire to bed but Emma was out with Ryan. About a half hour later, they got home and I went upstairs to put Em to bed and Claire was sound asleep but Madeline was still lying there awake. She quietly called me over to her bed and asked me this...with all of the seriousness in the world: "Mommy, in the spring is it ok to wear like a short sleeve top with something long on the bottom?". I couldn't help but burst out laughing. First, I told her that yes...that is a totally acceptable outfit option for spring weather and then I asked her if that's always what she thinks about while she's lying in bed at night. The bashful grin on her face let me know that yup, it is. Oh dear! At least I know that girl has the world's biggest heart and sweetest soul.....otherwise I'd be in even bigger trouble.

xoxo,

ali

{birthday dinner}

just a snapshot from our night out...celebrating my hubby and his mom. love these peeps!

{happy birthday to daddy}

Today is Ryan's birthday....it's still early but we're already off to a fun start. He woke up to a trail of balloons, a coldstone cake, some gifts, lots of cards and pictures made by the girls and this poem from Emma:

A seed is me

The sun is Claire

Maddy is the space

Mom is the water

You are like the flower

Together the flower grows.

We are heading into the city soon to go to Reading Terminal Market to continue the fun (and the fat fest). I love birthdays and I love him!

xoxo,

ali

{easter inspiration}

{another fave!}

I need to take a minute to add to my list of favorites because it's still Friday and this is topping my list right now....

5. Jenny: She is the best babysitter. EVER. Here's a little glimpse into why....tonight she showed up a half hour early (allowing me to debate over my wardrobe in peace), with a basketful of eggs fresh from her family's chickens (of course) and asks if it's ok if she cooks the kids "breakfast for dinner" (then excitedly proceeds to fill me in on the whole dinner menu she had in mind)...then she doesn't just crack the eggs open, but hollows them out because she has planned a little egg painting craft for them to do. Oh wait, and then we get home before bedtime and she takes it upon herself to put the kids to bed anyway, even though Ryan and I are sitting right there. Then I go upstairs to say goodnight and she's holding a large book that I've never seen before. I ask her what it is and she informs me that she brings it with her every times she comes and reads the girls their bedtime story out of it...a little each time. Of course she does. Oh, sweet Jenny. My girls couldn't love her more and I don't know if I could either. She's an enormous blessing and a dream come true!

{friday favorites}

Friday? Again? Already?? As the girls get bigger and our days get busier, time flies by at warped speed. The past few weeks have been filled with those types of days where every time slot in my day is accounted for. I have been crashing early each night and sleeping like a rock recovering and gearing up for each new day. Alas, here we are....another week has bitten the dust. Here's a few of my faves from this week (or at least what my fried brain can remember):

1. My hubs: Tomorrow is his birthday!!!! In the midst of my busy week, there have been a handful of times where I have just stopped and realized what a huge blessing he is to me. Every now and then I find myself in awe of how he loves me (like cleaning the house from top to bottom because he knows I'm hosting a playdate the next day). I can only hope that I can learn to love so unselfishly the way that he loves me. I'm looking forward to (ice cream!) cake for breakfast and a whole day for all of his girls to spoil him:)

2. Easter, Easter, Easter: I love holidays. Like love them, love them. There is such a nostalgic sweetness to diving head first into each holiday and season that approaches. When I was studying Elementary Ed in school, I remember being so excited when working on units on seasons or holidays....the thought of exposing kids to the sweet side of life struck a chord with me. Weird, I know. But here I am as a mom, and I can't get enough of it. I can't, for example, let my kids have their snacks in a plain zip lock bag during the month of March when I know that Easter bunny zip lock bags are an option. To me, going the extra mile is always worth it. It's those little details that make childhood so much fun:) I often find the internal struggle to balance all of the cuteness with the realness of why we celebrate. This draws me to the word to keep my mind and heart seeking the truth and looking for ways to best share it with my girls. Ahhh, thank goodness we get breaks between holidays cause they sure do wear me out by the time they are said and done.

3. The Cheesecake Factory: Going there for dinner tonight. Without kids. I'm starving and I have birthdays to celebrate (and I have a sweet tooth the size of Texas). Need I say more?

4. My mom: I don't think I say it or show it enough. I am a wife, I am a mother, I am a neighbor, I am a friend. Sometimes I forget that before I was any of those things, I was and still am...a daughter. My mom holds a great amount of wisdom and discernment and is a huge blessing in my life. She's typically the first person I go to when I need a problem solved whether big or small because I completely trust her judgement and I know she'll have the answer. Sometimes I need a reminder that no matter how busy or hectic my days get, she's my mom and she won't be around forever and I need to carve out the time to show her what she means to me. Oh, and she's coming here next week. Can't WAIT!

xoxo,

ali

{inspired}

I have a confession. Sometimes (ok, a lot of the time), I have no idea what to write about or why anyone is actually reading this blog. I check in, I see the numbers and I automatically freak out thinking "Who are these people and why are they are coming here. What is it they are expecting from me?!". I don't know if you are here out of habit, hoping to get a funny self-degrading story, looking for pics of what's being going on with my family, checking out my latest party planning finds or hoping that I've come up with some profound thought for the day (yeah...prob not that). There are times when I find myself with nothing to write and times when my soul is overflowing with new things that the Lord is teaching me and I can't help but share. No matter how intimidating it is to be so completely raw about what goes on in my heart, I am led to share it with you in the hope that even one person will be touched and make it all worthwhile. Still, I often struggle with putting it all out there. I'll often write a post, hit publish and then ask myself what in the world I was thinking exposing my heart to the masses.

I know a girl who is a major fashionista, a former boutique owner and a style blogger. This week she shared that she's been hesitant to post on her "style" blog because God has been working so much in her life that writing about fashion just seems trivial at this point. Since then, she's been writing these amazing, encouraging, uplifting posts about things that really matter. Kourtney has seen the love of her savior transform her life and she can't not share it. She has inspired me this week to keep on keeping on....because when all is said and done, He really is too good to not share. Check her out and add her to your blog roll: kourtneypulitzerstyle@blogspot.com

Oh, and if you want to leave a comment telling me who you are and why you read, I really wouldn't mind. Just sayin..... ;-)

xoxo,

ali

{almost a sister}

Since moving to New Jersey, the most difficult thing for me hands down has been forming new friendships. It has been a lonely year and a half to say the least. This is an area of my life that I am constantly trusting God to show up in....and he Has and I know He will continue to.

"A man of too many friends comes to ruin, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother." proverbs 18:24

Tonight I'm thankful for a friend who was like a sister to me as a child and is a huge part of my life today. I love to think back 20 years to when we were (probably literally) pulling each other's hair out and then fast forward to the present when I need to talk about something or pray about something and she's the first person I go to. Our God is so big that he brought us back into each other's lives after so many years....His ways are greater than our ways. AMEN for that. More on her and more on this whole friendship thing another time!

xoxo,

ali

{besties and worsties}

A few years ago, Ryan started a tradition at the dinner table where we each have a turn sharing the best and worst part of our day. Or as Claire calls it "doing our besties and worsties". Yesterday was one of those days for me when I couldn't even think of a single worst part of my day because my entire day was just so darn good. I got back to the gym for the first time in a month, got a much needed eyebrow wax (you would not believe how long it took me to find the time to do this), cashed in my free iced coffee (pumpkin no less!) from dunkin donuts, ate lunch with my hubby, devoured the bible at nap time, took the girls on an outing to the craft store after school, cooked a delicious dinner in blissful peace while the girls crafted away....all this and the girls were on their best behavior all day; obeying me, not fighting, not even just tolerating, but all out loving on each other. It was amazing and a breath of fresh air. A much, much needed one. This was the same day, remind you, that started out with me losing my cool with Emma before school. But I learned so much from it that it wasn't enough to put a damper on my day. And you can imagine my joy to learn that that wasn't Em's worstie either. As a matter of fact, going to the library for your special at school is worse than getting yelled out by your mom and spending all morning in time out. Either she gained a lot of wisdom from our "talk" too, or she's learned to completely tune me out already at the age of eight. I'm crossing my fingers that it's the former:). One day at a time, I'm learning to slow down, take a deep breath and be thankful for all of my many blessing. Every last little one of them.

xoxo,

ali

{failing flesh}

So remember my last post that ended with me wanting to treat my girls in a way that brought glory to God? I made it exactly three seconds this morning before I failed miserably. Emma had been giving Ryan and I a run for our money all weekend. She was picking on her sisters left and right and was being repeatedly disrespectful to the two of us. And we had had it. This morning, I woke up and came downstairs and was greeted by a very grumpy eight year old who has gotten a little too big for her britches. Within thirty seconds, she was talking back to me and giving me major attitude and let me tell you...if it is not yet 7am, don't mess with me. So, I lost it again. It was one of those moments where I put her in time out, told her what she was doing wrong and then continued to let her know just to make sure she got it. While I made breakfast, I drove my point home. While I did the dishes, I made sure she really knew and as I packed her lunch for school I told her again. Just in case she didn't get it the first fifty times. What I realized later was that I was upset with her for not controlling her emotions and for being unkind to the people around her....and that that's exactly what I was doing to her in return. While her punishment may have been justified, the way I went about it was wrong. It needed to be done out of love for her and not out of my own frustration.

While working on my bible study today, I came across this verse:

"My flesh and my heart may fail,

but God is the strength of my heart

and my portion forever."

psalm 73:26

I needed to hear that! And so does Emma. We are human and we will have things that we struggle with. My hope is that both of us can learn to let God be in control of our hearts so that we don't give in to the temptation to take it out on the people around us. Together this week, we will work on memorizing this verse and applying it to our lives. As part of her punishment, she has to go out of her way to show an act of love or kindness to one person each day. Maybe mommy needs to do the same. One of the things I'm most thankful for about this little girl that God has blessed me with is that he is always using her to refine me. She keeps me on my toes that's for sure. Here's to many more years of failed parenting attempts and the hope that God does great things in my children in spite of my mistakes....

xoxo,

ali

{speechless}

Some days you just have no words. Today started out as one of those days for me. I had some other things going on that were upsetting me (and therefore wearing my patience level waaaay down) and the girls pushed my buttons one too many times while getting ready for church this morning and I LOST IT. Like lost it, lost it. Like yelling at my girls and telling them about fifty times too many exactly what they were doing that was driving me absolutely crazy. And not in a nice, loving way. More like in a "I have zero tolerance for you or anything you say or do right now" way. Yup, as patient or laid back as you think I may be, that's not always the case. There are those moments like today when my stress or emotions get the best of me and I react in the worst way. Of course this had to happen on the way to church. Ha. Gotta love the irony. We dropped the girls off at their classroom and went in to the service and I was just numb and speechless. I was even speechless inside my head (trust me, this rarely happens). I was just completely mentally and emotionally drained, not to mention feeling a little guilty for being so harsh with the girls. I was just done. I was already over the day and the day had just started. And then the band started playing my song. This is one of the songs that gets me every time....it always has a way of speaking to me right where I'm at and reminding me of the merciful grace of my savior. The grace that redeems me over and over again.

Inside Out

A thousand times I've failed

Still your mercy remains

And should I stumble again

Still I'm lost in your grace

Everlasting your light will shine when all else fades

Never ending your glory goes beyond all fame

My heart and my soul, I give you control

Consume me from the inside out

Let justice and grace become my embrace

To love you from the inside out

Your will above all else

My purpose remains

The art of losing myself

In bringing you praise

Everlasting your light will shine when all else fades

Never ending your glory goes beyond all fame

And the cry of my heart is to bring you praise

From the inside out

Lord my soul cries out to you

Ahhhh, just typing the lyrics settles my soul deep within. There is immeasurable peace that comes from knowing that His mercy never fails. I pray that daily I would lose myself....that I would be consumed with the one who laid down His life for me and that every thought and action would be held captive by that. I pray that I would relate and react to everyone I come in contact with (especially my girls) in a way that brings glory to my savior. I want his all consuming love to change me....and to continue changing me daily. Every last shortcoming: big or small.

xoxo,

ali