{beautifully ordinary}

{how did i not know sooner?!}

2012-02-09T17:25:00.000-08:00

Ummmm......if I had known that I could shop on Etsy for adorable additions for my classroom-to-be, I'm pretty sure I would've started homeschooling years ago! Seriously, though. I'm not exactly kidding. It's no secret that I am obsessive about the details. Which is exactly why I am starting this project now. Vintage french or vintage modern? Ahhh, decisions decisions! Oh, and in case you are wondering why in the world I have decided to head down this path or if you are even slightly considering homeschooling yourself, check out confessionsofahomeschooler.com and read the "Why We Homeschool" link under her About Me. She says everything I have been thinking, feeling and saying yet in a much more eloquent way. Touched me to the core....so much so that after sobbing my way through it I kind of wanted to start this whole homeschool thing like yesterday.

{isn't she lovely}

2012-02-08T18:02:00.001-08:00

I've never been a huge Stevie Wonder fan, but for some reason back in 2004 I became one. As I was nearing the end of my pregnancy with Emma, I heard the song "Isn't She Lovely" and the emotional, hormonal mess that I was became so in love with those words and the anticipation of the long awaited, sure to be lovely baby girl that I was about to meet. From the first moment the doctor laid Emmy on my chest, I began to sing that song to her. "Isn't she lovely. Isn't she wonderful. Isn't she precious, less than a minute old....." and I sang it to her again and again as I held her, as I nursed her, as I rocked her in the middle of the night. More often than not, with tears of complete awe streaming down my face; changing the verse with the changing of the minutes, days, weeks, months and years. In the blink of an eye, my sweet baby girl went from "less than a minute old" to "already eight years old". And gosh darn it, just like I've been claiming for years.....she is lovely. I often have trouble finding words to describe Emma, probably because she's always been so complex. The more I know her and the more I study her, the more I realize that lovely really is the perfect word for her. She is kind and gentle, nurturing and deep, funny and refined, timid and wise.....put it all together and she's just plain lovely.

{beautifully ordinary}

2012-02-08T09:40:00.000-08:00

This started out as a mommy blog, a place for me to document the childhood(s?) of my girls...to jot things down so I could have a place to look back and not forget these moments in their lives. Over time, my readers have grown to include people that I don't know, people that I didn't know I knew (if that makes sense) and close family and friends whom I adore. I love nothing more these days than getting an unexpected email or text from a stranger or a friend letting me know how a post that I've written has touched them in one way or another. There are days when my mind is just dry and I can't think of a single thing to say (usually when I'm filling in with a style tip or yummy recipe) and then there are days when my mind is reeling nonstop and I write until my fingers ache and the post is so long you go blurry eyed reading it. You may have noticed the new name for the blog "beautifully ordinary". To me it sums up who I am and why I write. We are all ordinary....we're just people. No matter what successes or failures we may or may not have under out belt, the truth is that we're all on an equal playing field. To put it bluntly, all of our s*!% stinks. Yet, we are beautiful. We were made in the image of our Creator and we are oh so beautiful whether we realize it or not. My hope is that you would realize it. I hope that this is a place where you can come to learn that about yourself...that maybe through my brutal honesty, you would come to realize that no matter what painful, hard, terrible or wonderful things you face from day to day, there is incredible, beautiful value in you. I am also a huge fan of taking the ordinary things in life....whether it be a birthday party, a trip to the beach or just another tuesday afternoon...and making it beautiful. I thrive on the details...going the extra mile to add a little beauty to the mundane and I love to share those ideas and inspire you. And above all, I am a mother; one of the most ordinary jobs in the world....afterall, every person alive has one or has had one. My desire, while I may not always do it perfectly, is to mother my daughters beautifully, with love and grace and mercy. I would love nothing more than when my kids are grown and someone asks what their mother was like for their answer to be "She was beautifully ordinary.". I figure it beats being flat out crazy;)

So thank you all for your emails, texts and comments....they make me happy.....and please, keep them coming!

{wonderfully made}

2012-02-08T04:31:00.001-08:00

Recently, it has come to my attention that maybe, just maybe, I have some insecurity issues. And by recently, I'm pretty sure I mean my entire adolescent and adult life. I have a habit of making friends with people of whom I am extremely envious. Even if I am not envious of them at first, as I get to know them more, I find things about them that I convince myself are lacking in my own life and I simply cannot measure up. Recently, it all revolves around my insecurities over my appearance. To be specific, as I am aging (noticeably, I might add), as my metabolism is slowing down (despite the trillions of hours I log in the gym), as I look in the mirror and see my dad's face staring back at me (don't get me started), I seem to have friends that are overflowing with natural beauty. Friends that are blessed with genes that keep them eternally and effortlessly skinnier than I will ever be, or with hair that is either blonder (or browner) and always shinier, friends that can put on a trash bag and look gorgeous. But they don't put on trash bags; instead they put on gorgeous clothes and look like super models. (Apparently, I only become friends with really pretty people....maybe I need to change that.) And day after day, I am fighting back the constant crippling thoughts that I am the ugly one. Crippling to the point where somedays I want to cancel my plans because I know that no matter what I wear or how I style my terribly cut hair, I won't measure up and it'll eat away at me all day. I know it's silly and I KNOW that I am overwhelmingly blessed in so many ways. I even know that I have talents and gifts that others don't have....but for some reason my head tells me that those things are not nearly as important as how I look and so they don't matter. I was talking this through with Toni on our run a few weeks ago and her response was "Don't be silly. I don't want to hear it. Do you know how many millions of girls would die to be you?" That helped. For about thirty seconds. I thought "Hey, maybe I'm not as bad off as I think!" and then immediately I convinced myself that those millions of girls were all barefoot and toothless and hanging out in Walmart. Because the only way you'd want to look like me was if being toothless was your alternative. Obviously. I was not saying these things to Toni to fish for compliments just as I am not writing these words to all of you for that reason. I am writing because I have a hunch that as women we all struggle with this in one way or another. Maybe this is because I can see the competition and defeat in my own daughters when they feel that their sister looks "more beautiful" than them that day. Maybe this is because my five year old comes home from Kindergarten feeling badly about herself because she isn't as "fancy or sparkly" as the other girls. Maybe it is because every magazine cover is showing us an airbrushed version of what we as women need to strive to look like. Maybe you are the drop dead gorgeous one but you see everyone else and all you can see are their happy marriages when yours is struggling or their beautiful children and for years you haven't been able to conceive a child of your own. The point is, we all have our insecurities that speak lies to us about who we are and where our worth is found. I'm learning to kiss those lies goodbye and replace the negative soundtrack in my head that tells me I'm not good enough with the truth that I am wonderfully made. And you, my friend, are wonderfully made as well.

"For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works (that's me...and you) are wonderful, I know that full well (ok, maybe I don't know it that well yet, but I'm working on it)." psalm 139:13-14

{oreo brownies}

2012-02-05T13:34:00.000-08:00

"combine brownie mix as usual but instead of adding water, add cookies 'n cream ice cream and hot fudge" lol! that's my kind of recipe....can't wait to break into these tonight during the super bowl! recipe courtesy of kevinandamanda.com :)

{partied out!}

2012-02-04T18:42:00.000-08:00

We had a long day of partying and I am so tired I can barely type....wanted to get a few of my favorite pics of the birthday girl up before I forgot. Such a great day...so many memories made!

{beach bound}

2012-02-03T11:04:00.001-08:00

On a lighter note...I was in target this morning picking up some groceries and happened upon this bikini top for my trip to Florida next week. It was the last one in the store and was my size....totally meant to be!;) I love mismatched suits, love animal prints and LOVE coral....can't wait to throw it on with some black bottoms and hit the beach!!!!!

{h o m e schooling?!?!}

2012-02-02T21:46:00.001-08:00

If you've learned anything about me, it's probably the fact that I have a storybook perception of how life should look and I often struggle with striving for that (I'm blaming this for watching too many movies during my childhood;)). Kids in storybooks live in houses with white picket fences, live on tree lined streets and hop on and off the big yellow school bus to and from school each day (hopefully with warm chocolate chip cookies waiting for them when they return home). This, of course, was the plan I had for my children. I'm starting to think it may not be God's plan for them. It could very well be, after all, that the Hollywood version of what a perfect childhood looks like may not be what His version of their perfect childhood looks like. I am learning to be ok with that.

For a while now, I have had a quiet, gentle voice whispering "homeschooling" to me over and over again. Ryan, on the other hand, has not. Until recently. This afternoon, I got a call from him about how he feels our girls are too busy and we don't have the time with them we need and that he's starting to think that homeschooling may be where we are headed. These have been the exact thoughts I have been wresting with over the past month. So between the both of us feeling lead in that direction, it looks like this is the road we are heading down and now the question becomes not if but when?

For years, I've threatened homeschooling based on a fear of what I didn't want my kids exposed to. Well, while I'm not thrilled with the fact that Emma belted out with "I'm Sexy and I Know It" (lovely) on the way home from gymnastics tonight (thank you, little John Pryer), it's no longer these fears that have lead us here. The fact is simply this: I have a little girl who will be 8 next week (halfway to 16 as I keep looking at it) whom I have not seen for the better part of three years. I rush her off to the bus in the morning and eight long hours later I get her back just in time to squeeze in a meal, a homework session and a quick shower. Forget about it if we have gymnastics, girl scouts or a play date with a friend. I decided a few weeks ago that the girls need to start putting their own laundry away. So far it's happened exactly twice and here's the reason: every time I go to tell them to do it, I realize that it comes down to them having the time to shower or the time to take care of their laundry and the shower always wins. They do need to bathe, after all. And the laundry sits there for another day because gosh darn it, they will have chores if it kills me so I am not going to put it away!

When the girls were all little, I was always busy. But it was a different kind of busy....it was me filling my days busy. Let's go to the gym and then grab Starbucks with friends busy. Let's hang out at the water park all day busy. It's beautiful out and we're heading to the beach busy. Now life is just busy period. A busy-ness that's out of my control. An "I will see you on the weekend and ask you then how your life is" busy. That's not what I want for my family. I want more than anything to speak truth into my girl's lives and there are just not enough hours in the day to do it. I find myself counting down the days until summer when I can see my girls....really see them...and it's only February.

It's ironic to me that whenever I reach a really good season in my life, I suddenly feel an urging to be stretched in a different way. I guess that goes hand in hand with my new year's resolution this year. It seems that whenever I hit my stride in life this happens. If nothing else, it keeps me from becoming complacent and for that I am thankful. I have it pretty easy right now. Every single afternoon (unless I choose to skip it for a playdate), I put Madeline on the bus and Claire goes down for her nap and I have a few hours of sweet silence. Next year Claire will be in preschool and I'd be heading for the glory days of having hours upon hours of me time. I'm pretty sure it's looking like me time with have to wait a few years. But you know what? That's ok. Because when I get there, one thing I know for sure: I will look back on these days and more than anything in the world, I will long for them again. And I know that if I never went through with it, never gave my girls a shot at being home with me, I'd regret it. For me, the biggest heartache of motherhood is how fast they grow and how quickly time flies; if there's one regret I don't want to have it would be not soaking up every second I could with them when I had the chance.

Now comes the question of when and how we will make this transition....but it looks like eventually our playroom will start resembling a school room (and yes, I'm kind of excited to put vintage alphabet cards on the walls).

{colored denim}

2012-02-02T09:56:00.001-08:00

Along with the rest of the world, I'm crushing on colored denim right now. I just bought a pair of red jeans but this pic seals the deal....I'm now on the hunt for green. LOVE LOVE LOVE.

{date night}

2012-02-02T09:30:00.000-08:00

The day I've been waiting for has finally come....we now have an official "date night" around here. Ryan and I have always made date nights a priority, but even at that we can often go a few weeks or even a month without actually scheduling a babysitter and making it happen. Well, now we have Jenny.....the cutest 14 year old in the world who comes complete with her own bag of tricks to entertain the girls:) They absolutely adore her and Ryan and I adore having Tuesday nights to look forward to. First of all, there's something so great about getting out of doing "bedtime". Why is that? There's just something about being so done at the end of the day that just makes bedtime an annoyance for me. Like come on...do you really need a third drink of water? Have you really already had a bad dream even though I just put you down five minutes ago and you haven't fallen asleep yet? There are plenty of times where either Ryan or I are out at night and one of us "gets out" of bedtime, but there's something fun about being off the hook together. There's some sort of comraderie in knowing all day that come 6:00 we will be free as birds:) This week I got a few "I'm so excited it's date night" texts from my hubby and it made me giddy all day knowing that we had that to look forward to together. We find so many other things to spend our money on, we finally decided that enough was enough and the amount we are paying Jenny is a small price to pay for having a night carved out for just the two of us every week. It's also great to just unplug from parenthood and recharge a little bit together and then come home ready to see those precious little faces waking us up the next morning. Ahhh, I'm already counting down to next Tuesday!

p.s. Did I mention that we came home to the house smelling of warm brownies right out of the oven? That's right, little miss Jenny bakes. She's a keeper!

{emmy}

2012-02-01T19:07:00.000-08:00

Birthdays have a way of making me hugely sentimental...been thinking a lot about my biggest girl as she spends her last week being seven. I'm so incredibly proud of what a sweet, mature, loving and nurturing girl she has become. I want to remember her precious seven year old face forever!

{negative thoughts}

2012-02-01T18:13:00.000-08:00

I've been taking it pretty "shallow" with my past few posts so I wanted to take a few minutes to deepen things up a bit. The topic for my detox study this week is negative thoughts. I am excited to dive in and learn more about dealing with those not so happy thoughts that all too often swirl through my head. Here's a little sneak peek from the study that I know my mind will be feasting on for the next few days:

"In the age of Gossip Girl and Desperate Housewives, we hear messages on a daily basis that warp our worldview to match that of society. Our thoughts become fixated on what the media tells us we should be or have, and we NEVER MEASURE UP. Whether we like it or not, these messages affect our lives. Whether it is seeing the body of the model in a magazine, wishing it were ours, or loathing whatever it is that keeps us from achieving it, we undermine any chance at contentment. We think that if we could just "make it" in life, then we will finally be at peace."

Sound familiar? To me, it sounds like my strive for perfection. My strive to measure up to both the model in the magazine and the pottery barn perfect house in the catalog with the crewcuts model kids. (But really, is that too much to ask for??;)) And the fact that stressing out over trying to be these things and not measuring up is enough to make me crazy! The truth is, this side of heaven, there is no perfect. I can try to achieve all of those things until my dying day and they will never be enough to bring me true contentment....and I will torture myself in the process! If it wasn't enough for Seal and Heidi or Brad and Jen.....chances are it probably won't be enough for me, either. My heart knows that true contentment can only be found in my savior....sometimes my mind just needs to catch up.

"You'll do best by filling your minds and meditating on things true, noble, reputable, authentic, compelling, gracious-the best, not the worst; the beautiful, not the ugly; things to praise not things to curse." Philippians 4:8 The Message

Sometimes as a woman, as a mom with little kids constantly underfoot, as a girl who looks in the mirror and suddenly realizes she has aged ten years overnight, as a girl with champagne taste on a beer budget, it's hard to keep true perspective. I'm thankful for this verse and this reminder to keep my focus on what is good and what is lovely....life is much much sweeter from that standpoint:)

All this and it's only day one. Can't wait to see what the rest of the week brings!

{birthday banner freebie}

2012-02-01T18:04:00.000-08:00

andersruff.com has become one of my favorite go to sights for party planning ideas. check out this FREE printable banner that they are offering....i just whipped up two of them for emma's party in a matter of minutes (it didn't hurt that they offer it in two color schemes...both of which coordinated with her party perfectly)!! go ahead and see for yourself....they have lots of cute freebies to offer! and lots of not so freebies too;)

{spring sneak peek}

2012-02-01T06:08:00.000-08:00

spring is in the air! it could be the fact that it's been warm and sunny this week...or the fact that i am going to the sunshine state next week....or just the fact that emma's birthday is coming up and i am clothes shopping for her....or maybe all of the above. but this i know: i've got spring clothes fever!!!! i despise winter clothes and i'm daydreaming about the bright colors and flowy styles just around the corner. yay for spring!!!!

party time (almost!)

2012-01-31T05:35:00.000-08:00

It's party week around here which means that I am in all out planning mode! I can't believe that my tiny baby girl is going to be an EIGHT year old in just a few days. WHERE OH WHERE DOES THE TIME GO??? Since I can't slow time down, I figure I better start celebrating it and enjoying the ages and stages we're at. This stage we're at is all about the American Girl doll, so that's the big theme for Em's party this year. Emmy and I have been having a blast working out the details for this party together (so crazy to me that she's big enough to bounce ideas off of!). This isn't going to be the biggest, grandest bash I've thrown but it's been special to plan all the details with the birthday girl and getting things just how she dreams it to be. I can't wait to post pics of the big day, but first....time to go make some teeny tiny doll sized party hats!!;)

{anxiety}

2012-01-30T12:14:00.000-08:00

I promised a little snippet each week from my detox study. This week the focus was on anxiety.

To be honest, for the most part, I wasn't feeling it. Not to say that I never struggle with anxiety or fear (and definitely not to say that I don't struggle at all because there are plenty of weeks that are going to kick me in the butt.). It's just that over the past few years, God has just shown up for us over and over again. From our fear over Claire not being able to walk and/or grow to two moves and countless concerns in between, God has been FAITHFUL. He has showed up to meet our every need and shown us over and over again that He does indeed work all things together for good. In that process, I have learned to hold tight to His perfect plan for our lives and to not fear troubles that come across our path. There is something that continually causes me anxiety, however, and that is my need for perfection. I am a perfectionist who will spend three (or four...ok maybe five) hours online creating (and paying a fortune for) the cutest valentines I can find because whatever my girls bring to school needs to be PERFECT. I will spend months on end planning a birthday party down to the very last detail because what good is a party if it's not PERFECT. I get stressed out if my girls are displaying the same bad behavior over and over again because although they are human, why can't they be PERFECT?!?! I am willing to pay top dollar to live in the town that was voted "#1 in America" because that must mean its pretty darn close to PERFECT. That being said, this is what jumped off the page at me this week:

"We live in a culture that expects women to have perfect looks, perfect marriages, perfect children, and perfect careers, treating anything less with disgust(who me?!). Every single one of us is drowning in an unrelenting flood of stressful tasks, demands, and pressures. Believe me; even those who exude an air of confidence and poise secretly struggle with feelings of anxiety and neverending worry. But God never intended for us to be caught in this emotional cesspool. God's perfect love will calm the raging storms of anxiety and the thunder of worry in our lives-if we will allow him to rescue us."

"Perfect love drives out fear." 1 John 4:18

{photo fun}

2012-01-30T12:01:00.000-08:00

A little fun at the photo booth at church this weekend. The girls had a blast and were in there all night....more pics to follow!

{detox}

2012-01-24T11:07:00.000-08:00

I love women. I am fascinated by them. I'm not sure when but somewhere along the way I realized that although we are all so different on the outside, when you peel back the layers we are actually not that different at all. I am a self professed snob. I know, I know it's terrible. But I am and I know it. My sister laughs at me because I have a "zero tolerance" policy for a lot of things: mom jeans, scrunchies, midwestern accents, "bed in a bag" style decorating, kids with mismatched clothes and bad haircuts, pantries stocked with fritos, doritos and 2 liters....just to name a few. Admittedly, I'm pretty hard core about my disgust for these things. Just ask Kristin how many times I've rolled my eyes and told her "Ugh, I would never!". What I haven't readily admitted is that while I am rolling my eyes at the frumpy mom jeans and greasy hair pulled back into that scrunchy, I am looking at that woman beside me wondering if she's a much more patient mother than I am because while I spent an extra 20 minutes that morning obsessing over which jeans fit me best that day (and getting irritated at the little ones interrupting me in that ever so important process), maybe she was taking that time to teach her preschooler how to tie his shoe. Maybe she was playing candy land for the third time since breakfast. Maybe she was (gasp!) scrubbing toilets or mopping her floors. I guess what I'm trying to say is that I've learned that just because my jeans may be cuter than hers, it doesn't make me any better than her. We are all gifted in different ways and (are you ready for this?!) life is not a competition. After all, where would we be if we didn't have one another to learn from? There is so much freedom in realizing that.

That being said, I love participating in bible studies. I love getting together with women from all different walks of life and getting deep with each other; learning what makes each other tick. Learning what things in life we all allow to make us or break us. I started a new study last night called Detox. Detox is a favorite word of mine (usually when related to my diet;)). I love the thought of cleaning out all the junk and starting fresh. And if I happen to lose five pounds in the process, that's just icing on the cake. Actually, with all the cake I eat, it probably really is the icing, but anyway. I was already excited for the study and then I opened the book and read down the list of topics we would be studying and I could barely contain my excitement: anxiety, negative thoughts, self-acceptance, body image, comparison, sexuality, aloneness, forgiveness and ungratefulness. Wow, what a list! I have to be honest, one or two jumped right off the page at me (If you know me well and are trying to guess which ones, stop judging me!!) that I had to skip ahead in the book for a sneak peek. My hope for the following weeks during this study is to share my favorite insights from these chapters here as I am stretched and learn more about conquering these issues. There are so many issues that we face as women. I'm excited to tackle them from a biblical perspective and get my head on straight!

"And you will know the truth and the truth will set you free." John 8:32

Freedom from obsessing over my weight, anxiety about my future or comparing myself to every girl that's skinnier, cuter or richer than I am? Bring it!!!

{s t r e t c h}

2012-01-23T11:09:00.000-08:00

I was challenged by a friend a few weeks ago to define what my goal is for the year 2012 in one word (I don't think I can do anything in one word!). I love being asked questions that make me dig deep; my problem always seems to lie in finding the answer. I was in a small group years ago and was asked the question "What fuels you?". Everyone else in the room answered the question on the spot. Seven years later I still am unsure of my answer. This time around, I was intimidated by the question but began doing some soul searching for my word. That one word that would define what I wanted to strive for this year. I usually have all of the same old resolutions: to clean my house more, organize my closets, stay on top of the laundry, be bikini ready by june, etc. Those things are great (and MUCH needed in my life) but they are not enough. They are not it. And I'm pretty sure that even though I've resolved to do them this year, I'll be resolving to do them for 10 Januaries more. I'm happy to say that only 23 days into the year and I found it! I want to s t r e t c h. There are areas in my life where I can see the need to require more of myself; to not settle for mediocracy but to stretch myself toward excellence. Being a good friend/partner to my husband is mediocre. Learning him and anticipating his needs requires more. Training my children to be merely well behaved on the outside for the sake of my sanity is mediocre. Training them to have pure hearts on the inside requires more. Showing up at bible study and answering questions is mediocre. Digging deep into God's word and really seeking to know who He is requires more. Serving baked ziti or chicken nuggets for dinner over and over again is mediocre. Scouring websites and cookbooks (and splashing hot oil in my face like I did today) to try new recipes requires more. Running a few miles on the treadmill is mediocre. Pushing my body to its limit and training for a marathon requires more. Blogging once every four months is mediocre. Blogging consistently requires more. I could go on for hours. The point is, I want to be stretched. I want to not settle for a mediocre, easy way out version of myself. I want to stretch myself towards something more.

{the WALL}

2012-01-22T16:37:00.000-08:00

It happens about twice a year. I get to a point where I've just simply had ENOUGH. If you are a mother of small children, you know what I mean. The point where another hand grabbing your leg, screech reaching your ears, glass of milk spilling, night of sleep disrupted way too early, toy you've already tripped over three times that day blocking your path (are you feeling me?) is enough to make you either pull all of your hair out or run out the door screaming and never look back. Or in my case, crawl in bed, pull the covers far over your head, crouch up in a ball and pretend the world outside that cocoon does not exist. Today was that day for me. My semi-annual "I need a vacation; I need to escape this place; I love my children to death but right now I feel like I actually am dying, drowning, suffocating and I'm not really ready to die yet" wall.

Last night as I was cleaning up after dinner and winding down the day, I realized that I had snapped at my girls more times than I had encouraged them. I had glared at them more times than I had hugged them. I had reminded them over and over again about everything they had done wrong and rarely praised them for what they had done right. And I was oh so ready to put them in bed and escape them for the night. I had attributed this to a rough day, but did not yet recognize this for what it was: THE WALL. I realized that I had fully hit my limit when they woke up this morning (at 7:00...a triumph for them as far as sleeping in goes!) and after about the first fifteen minutes (to my credit, Emma remembered that it was Chinese New Year and thought it would be fun to bang pots and pans to ward off the evil spirits) all those feeling from the night before started again. It's one thing to be irritated by every last thing at the end of the day, but to be irritated by 7:15am is just bad news!

When I reach this place that motherhood becomes more of a burden than a privilege, I know that it's time to carve out time for myself. To re shift my focus on the God whose love is always steadfast and whose arms are always open no matter how many times I whine, complain or make the same foolish and irritating mistakes over and over. That is the first step. To recognize the perfect parent and to remember the example that He has set forth. The second step is to book a hotel room for myself or a flight to somewhere far away (in this case, Florida!) to just be ME for a while. To be one person instead of 4. To sleep in until a time when my body decides it's ready to wake up, to dress only myself in the morning and to do anything or nothing at all. Whatever I want. Oh, don't get me wrong. I love those precious little faces with my whole heart, but sometimes this battery needs to be recharged. And for the love of my little girls, they deserve it....and so do I.

{family night}

2011-09-23T11:23:00.000-07:00

I am a family girl all the way. My love language is quality time, which means I love nothing more than spending time with the people that I love. This week, we went out to dinner in the city with Ryan's family (notice the lack of kids!) to spend time with Ric's cousin Lisa who was in town visiting from California. It was a great night....full of lots of laughter and TONS of protein (brazilian steakhouse style) with the Boyd fam. I think it needs to happen more often! Next up is a visit from my parents next week. The countdown has begun...they get here on Tuesday and I can't wait!!!!!!

xoxo,

ali

{grace}

2011-09-23T10:52:00.000-07:00

"There's a girl in the corner

With tear stains on her eyes
From the places she's wandered
And the shame she can't hide

She says, "How did I get here?
I'm not who I once was.
And I'm crippled by the fear
That I've fallen too far to love"

But don't you know who you are,
What's been done for you?
Yeah don't you know who you are?

You are more than the choices that you've made,
You are more than the sum of your past mistakes,
You are more than the problems you create,
You've been remade. "

I heard these lyrics one night and I was so touched by this song. There are so many times in my life when all I can see is my failure. Whether I am losing my patience too often with my kids or forgetting for the thousandth time to return a phone call or an email to a friend, or some personal struggle that goes much deeper than either of those, I all too often find myself feeling like I suck at life. The words in this chorus are so comforting....that reminder of God's grace and the fact that I am worth so much more than my greatest shortcoming. I have a few friends that are struggling greatly right now. My heart aches for them and my mind is constantly trying to wrap itself around where they are right now, how I can be praying for them and what they need the most to get through the trials they are facing. For one friend in particular, I can't help but see the need for grace. She has fallen far. Further than any of us could probably imagine going....but the thing is, she hasn't fallen too far. Jesus died for it ALL. The not so good, the bad and the really, horribly, downright ugly. I find myself being reminded for her sake that even though we don't deserve it, we have all been offered a great dose of grace. Thank God for that. Thank God that we can fail epically and He is still willing to take us in....if only we are willing to surrender to Him. If we were all defined by our lowest points in life and our greatest moments of failure, there wouldn't be hope for any of us...I'm so grateful to know that even though I don't deserve it and never will, it is Christ's work on the cross that defines me instead.

xoxo,

ali

2011-09-23T10:24:00.000-07:00

October is just around the corner which means I can start whipping out the black and orange. I'm decorating like crazy around here today:) I always love setting my house up for the fall which leads into Christmas decorations which unfortunately leads into an empty feeling house in January. Oh well, I love love love that for the next 3 1/2 months my house will be festive!!!!:) Bring on the jack o lanterns....

xoxo,

ali

{poodle skirts}

2011-09-21T08:08:00.000-07:00

I love dressing my kids. I love dressing them in regular clothes, so dressing them in Halloween costumes is just that much more fun. I'm one of those obnoxious moms that starts planning their Halloween costumes in July (or April, or maybe even on November 1st;)). When the girls were babies, I always made their Halloween costumes. The past few years they have worn store bought costumes and I have missed out on the fun that comes with gathering all of the elements of the costume and the excitement when the final look comes together and the hard work pays off. For that reason, I'm back to making costumes this year! Emma decided a few months ago that she really wanted to be a 50's girl. The idea has steamrolled down to the other two, so we are going with a 50's theme for the family. I found this adorable poodle skirt tutu on etsy and I started making it this morning. I'm pretty sure I'll be working straight through naptime today because I can't wait for the finished product!!

xoxo,

ali

{training wheels}

2011-09-19T05:56:00.001-07:00

We spent a good part of our weekend teaching the girls to ride their bikes. Ryan and I have been feeling the urgency to get rid of Emma's training wheels for a while now, but she hasn't been the most coordinated little girl and since Claire still can't ride a tricycle, it's kind of hard to have three kids that need constant hands on them and only two sets of hands to do it. Well, after I saw a friend's three year old son riding his bike without training wheels, we sucked it up and had bike riding bootcamp this weekend. Emma and Madeline both rocked it! They can both ride on their own now for longer and longer stretches. Emma still gets frustrated getting herself started and Madeline gets lazy and doesn't want to peddle after the first few minutes which causes her to slow down and crash, but for the the most part they've got it. Woohoo!!! A few more grueling sessions (do you know HOW hard it is to let go of your baby's arm when you know that she is going to come crashing down ten seconds after you do?) and they will be pros:) The funniest part of all was how different the girls were in their reactions to the process. Emma would fall down and start crying and yelling at us something like "Hello? Do you not care about the person that is FALLING? I'm a person here. This is your fault. You made me fall!". Madeline would fall down a second later and start cracking up and wave her hands in the air and scream "I'm OK!!". Night and day, these two. I love each of them for the differences they have and for the parts of their personalities that make them unique. Emma has always been unsure of herself, so even though she was doing great at riding her bike, she saw all of her falls as failure and was looking for someone to blame to make herself feel better. Madeline wants more than anything in the world to be just like Emma and to do the things that Emma does, so even though she fell along the way, she couldn't get over how proud she was for the things that she did accomplish. Navigating the emotions of three little girls can be exhausting! So proud of my girls, though, for conquering training wheels and can't wait for lots of family bike rides this fall!

xoxo,
ali

{constitution day}

2011-09-16T10:03:00.000-07:00

madeline's first "event" of kindergarten.....constitution day. the teacher requested that the kids wear red, white & blue to celebrate. mad was a little excited to participate and i was a little excited to dress her for the occasion:) oh, the joys of childhood!

{halloween party}

2011-09-16T05:50:00.000-07:00

One of my favorite things about living in a small town is all of the fun, family friendly activities the town has to offer. Top that off with our ability to walk to them all and it's icing on the cake! I absolutely love Halloween....the pumpkins, the costumes, the decorations, the kick off of fall. Last year, we decided to make an annual tradition of having our friends and family over to stroll down Main Street for the Halloween parade and bonfire at Stokes Hill and then gather back at our house afterwards for dinner. I just ordered the invitations and I cannot wait to start on the decorations and the details for our second annual halloween parade party! Here's a sneak peak of my inspiration....

I'm loving the muted colors and the vintage inspired theme. I can't wait to dress my babies up and to see all the adorable little kids in their costumes. Oh, and maybe we will be on time this year and actually catch the parade!!;)

xoxo,

ali

{muddy buddies}

2011-09-16T05:20:00.000-07:00

i am a distance runner. it's who i am; it's how i was made. i thrive on logging miles. i thrive on the high that comes after the first mile when i am into my groove and feel like i can keep going all day. i thrive on the exhaustion my body feels afterwards. last weekend i ran my first mud run. it was AWESOME!!!! 6.4 miles of dirt, sand, rocks, water and of course lots of MUD! the best part, though, was the company. rebecca, serena and i stuck together through it all....we had so much fun singing, yelling and cheering each other on. for me, this race was less about the competition than it was about the experience and the chance to bond with my girls:) can't wait to do it again next year!!! until then, i'm gonna keep on running, keep on racing and doing what i love.

xoxo,

ali

{first day of school}

2011-09-16T04:41:00.000-07:00

{first day of second grade}
{bffs}

{first bus ride}
{old pro at this}

{always the ham}

hello there.....i know it's been a while! we have been so busy with the winding down of summer and getting ready for school to start up and i've been blog slacking big time. i'm back with a new batch of back to school pics:) we are one week into the school year and the girls are LOVING it. the novelty has not worn off yet, so they are both excitedly still picking out outfits and jumping on the school bus and eagerly doing their homework. can't wait to see how long THAT lasts!;) i am loving our new schedule and routine so far. i'm more than thankful for half day kindergarten and that i don't feel like madeline is too far out of my reach just yet. claire and mad still get to spend their mornings together as busom buddies and i still get to have my girl around for most of the day. when mad goes to school it's naptime for claire (and usually mommy!) and then we have a few quiet hours to ourselves. it's AMAZING. i've vacuumed more in the past week than i have in the past five years. i haven't felt this productive in a long time and i'm loving it! the past few days i've been working on our fall family schedule and i'm amazed at how busy we are getting as the girls get older. next up is ballet & tap for claire (ummmm....adorable!!), gymnastics for madeline and art & girl scouts for emma. so thankful for my "quiver" of girls and the fullness they bring to my life:)

xoxo,

ali

{home sweet home}

2011-08-23T11:14:00.000-07:00

Today we spent the day in Medford....sometimes I just love driving out there to spend a day hitting my favorite parts around town and getting back to my roots. Every time I drive into town I get that warm and fuzzy "I'm home" feeling. There's just something to be said about being in a place where everything is so comfortingly familiar. We spent the morning with Jill and the kids at Fort Medford. The kids absolutely love it there and after a little bit of a rough few days of feeling sorry for myself, it was great to just be myself with Jill. The weather today is incredible....75 degrees, sunny and breezy.....it's like a little sneak peek of the greatness of fall that's just around the corner! After the park, I took the kids to Rose's farm stand (one of our favorite Medford must go to locations) to get Leo's yum yum. DELICIOUS!!! The orange vanilla & lime vanilla are to die for! Next, we hit an antique store and then the girls spent a while playing with some goats (yes, goats) that we happened upon:) It was just one of those perfectly simple mornings. We got home just in time for a much needed nap for Claire and an earthquake (go figure) to rattle the house and completely terrify the girls and I!!!! We had just walked in the door, I put Claire in her bed and came downstairs and the entire house started shaking. The girls were screaming at me to go upstairs and get Claire, but I was just frozen trying to figure out what in the world was going on in my house. I was running all the scenarios through my head: train going super fast, nearby trees being uprooted, a jackhammer on the street, an earthquake? Certainly not an earthquake. As it was ending, the girls and I went outside to see what was going on in the rest of the world, I called Ryan to see if he felt anything and then I logged onto facebook (apparently, my news source) for confirmation. We did indeed experience our first earthquake. My heart was still racing for the next 20 minutes and the girls had so many questions. I'm hoping they sleep soundly tonight and aren't too traumatized by the fear they had in the moment. Next we go to pick up Lily Kate, our favorite one year old, who is spending the night at our house. The girls get to have their favorite baby around and I get to pretend for a day that I have four girls:) Can't wait!!

xoxo,

ali

{final sale}

2011-08-22T04:56:00.000-07:00

after a month of obsessively checking j.crew's website, the sale is finally here.....time to wrap up the school clothes shopping!!!!!

{back2school bash}

2011-08-21T19:51:00.001-07:00

If there's one thing I love to get my creative juices flowing, it's having a party to plan. I will usually find any and every excuse I can to throw a party just so I can the spend weeks (and sometimes months) leading up to it obsessing over every little detail. It's always sooooo worth it in the end to see how it all comes together....and then it all ends with a big slice of cake. Really, what's not to love? Next up is our Back 2 School Bash. Part of the fun of having kids is celebrating all the events in their lives....big or small. Life is too short to not take the time to make the most of every little milestone and moment. The way I look at it, these are the days I will never get back, so while they're here, I am going to revel in them...one cupcake worthy celebration at a time:) The girls and I can't wait to have some friends over for one last play date before school starts. Here's a sneak peak of what's to come!!:

{the new girl}

2011-08-20T04:14:00.001-07:00

As much as I love being in NJ and feel like we are starting to settle in here, every now and then I get hit with the feeling of still being the new girl or the outsider and wonder how long it really does take before a place truly feels like home. To be honest, this week was a little tough for me. There were a few "biting back the tears" moments, but I guess that comes with the territory of being the new girl. Every now and then the wind gets a little knocked out of my sails like when I'm with friends with whom I think I've become very close and suddenly their old friend is back in town visiting and everyone's making plans in front of me that don't include me because the "old crowd" is getting back together and I wasn't here then....I was never a part of the old crowd. So no matter how close I think we are now, I don't get the pleasure of being a part of those plans. Kids that are being asked for sleepovers right in front of us and mine aren't invited because they haven't been around forever and they are not on the forefront of anyone's mind. Watching Emma play by herself on the fringe of the group because the other kids have known each other their entire lives and like her mama, she's the new girl who is still sort of disposable and can be easily forgotten. Or when Emma leaves camp telling me all about a "friend" and that other little girl has no idea who she is, because to Emma that little girl is one of a few, but to the other girl who's lived here her whole life, Emma is just one of many. Sorry to be so raw, but today, this loneliness is my reality and maybe some of you have been here and can relate. It was just a long week being in close quarters with friends while have constant subtle reminders that any way you look at it, I'm still the new girl. On the bright side, five years down the road, I may be wrinklier and older than I am now, but at least I won't be new.

{stick with me}

2011-08-18T07:47:00.001-07:00

Ryan has been out of town all week with his macbook and my backup computer and laptop have not been cooperating with me, so I apologize for the lack of posts! It's frustrating for me to see all the new visitors on the page and to know that I'm not offering anything new for you. Stick with me....hubby gets home tomorrow and I'll be posting away. Hope you all are having a blessed week and are enjoying the winding down of your summer. Here's some food for thought in the meantime.....

"For wherever your treasure is, there your heart will also be." Luke 12:34

What is it that you're treasuring and who or what holds your heart the most? If you are being honest with yourself, the answer may not be what you expect it to be. Here are two questions to ask yourself to find where your heart really is: 1. Where do you spend the majority of your money? 2. Where do you spend the majority of your time? I was challenged by this this past weekend and have been doing some soul searching of my own to find out the answers for my own life. Nothing like a little inventory every now and then to help keep your priorities in line:)

xoxo,

ali

{nugget}

2011-08-15T11:22:00.000-07:00

I can remember pretty much from the day that we got married how Ryan and I were dying for a golden retriever. We would spend our spare time browsing through pet stores or looking in the paper for puppies. And then one day we found it: a litter of golden retriever pups ready to be adopted. Immediately after work that night, we went to the breeder's home and fell in love with the precious litter of puppiess. It didn't take long for us to choose the right one....we knew we wanted a boy and this little guy had the perfect balance of cuddliness and playfulness. That night, we took home Doug, our little "nugget" for the first time. For years, Doug was like a child to us. I remember driving down the road with him on my lap, walking through the streets of downtown West Palm with him, making a bed for him under my desk at work, swimming with him in the ocean, running with him along the seawall, playing with him in the park, rolling around with him in the snow. I remember the way he "talked" to me, spooning him on the couch night after night and telling him he was the "best boy I ever had", how he instantly seemed protective of Emma when we brought her home from the hospital, how he was always the most content right by our sides. Neither one of us have ever really been dog people, but we were Doug people. Shortly after Madeline was born, our house was too small and our growing family was taking precedence over our beloved dog. We felt like poor Doug who had been our one and only for so long was getting neglected and pushed aside because of the demands of having a two year old and a newborn and a house with a yard too small for him to run free. Around that same time, my brother, who had always loved Doug, was suffering from a brain tumor. His health was only declining and he needed a companion to keep his spirits high. We sent Doug to live with Tim and for a while, it was the perfect solution for both of them. After a year and a half, the cancer won the battle and my brother was called home to be with Jesus. At that point, Claire was already on the way and we didn't think we were ready to take Doug back home again. Thankfully, my sister was willing to take him and he's been a part of their family ever since. I loved that even though Doug didn't still live with us, he was still in the family...he was still my boy who's ears I could rub and who I could snuggle with every chance I got. This weekend we got the call that Doug, who had been fighting cancer for a while now, was rapidly declining and the time had come to put him down. Ryan and I spent the weekend looking over all of our old photo albums and Doug's baby pictures and reliving the first 8 years of our marriage with our boy. I hate that we didn't get to say goodbye, tell him we loved him or hold him one last time. He was a huge part of our lives and will always be missed. But maybe, just maybe Tim just got his buddy back:)

xoxo,

ali

{product junkie}

2011-08-15T10:49:00.000-07:00

Thanks to my sister, I've become a product junkie. I could browse through Sephora all day scoping out all the products. And the free samples? Hello, are you kidding me?!?! Getting hooked up with the right sales girl at Sephora is a dream come true....I love leaving there with an endless supply of miracle working products to try out:) Ahh, it's just like christmas morning! After much research, bareMinerals Pure Transformation Night Treatment is going to be my next splurge. I'm desperate to shrink my pores, revive my skin and fade any imperfections (who isn't?). This one's gotten rave reviews and I can't wait to try it...I'll let you know how it goes!

xoxo,

ali

{art camp}

2011-08-15T10:18:00.000-07:00

Mad & Emmy started art camp today. It's such a treat for them to be at Miss Rebecca's house doing all sorts of fun art projects, seeing their friends and having their little minds stimulated after a long and lazy summer. When I picked them up, Emma said that her brain was aching....I told her it was probably because she hadn't used it in so long;) I'm excited to see what this week brings for my little picasso's as I get to spend some one on one time with Claire bear. The two of us have some busy mornings planned....story time, a few playdates, errands to run and a few treats thrown in so she doesn't feel totally jipped. Ryan's leaving again for a trip this afternoon (booooo) so I'm thankful for a full schedule to keep me preoccupied this week while he's gone (and for the Bachelor Pad to keep me preoccupied for at least one of the four nights!).

xoxo,

ali

{sabotage}

2011-08-13T18:36:00.000-07:00

This morning, we were out for breakfast and the owner of the cafe came over to check in and say hello. Shortly after, I took all three girls to the bathroom and left Ryan alone at the table. While we were gone, the man walked back by and said to Ryan, "Three girls, huh? Three was a breeze and then I had a fourth and I'm still not recovered from it.". Thank you, Mr. cute little coffee shop in Ocean City man for completely ensuring that I will never have another baby!!! So as an official follow up to my earlier post entitled {four}....AIN'T. GONNA. HAPPEN. EVER. On a brighter side, while Ryan and I were soaking up some sun together on the beach in complete peace and quiet while the girls played together in the sand, we realized how good we've got it and that is a blessing in itself :)

xoxo,

ali

{halfway}

2011-08-13T17:46:00.000-07:00

This week was Emma's "half birthday". She was so excited to now be seven and a half, but all I could think about is that 7.5 is halfway to 15. Yes, FIFTEEN!!!!!! To be honest, I remember being 15 and all of the drama that came along with it and the thought terrified me. But more importantly, 15 is just plain old and it's that much closer to my baby being all grown up:( And considering how the first seven and a half years of her life has absolutely flown by, I know without a doubt that before I know it, my little girl will indeed be fifteen. Why does it have to be this way? I spent my childhood in such a hurry to be all grown up and now I am and suddenly time moves at a warped speed. My tiny baby whom I once sang "Isn't She Lovely" to every single night turns 7 in the blink of an eye, my skin sags despite my best efforts to stay toned, I can't go anywhere without makeup. (I would go on, but really it's just too depressing). I've been saying it for years now, but if I had one wish it may just be that time would stand still....or at least slow down for a while. Motherhood is by far one of the greatest blessings in my life, but with it comes a tremendous burden. I'm not just talking about the day in, day out burden of lost sleep, a house that always has an incredibly high noise volume or laundry piles that have been in mountain form for years. I'm talking about the burden of having three girls that will one day be women whom God has entrusted to Ryan and I to "train in the way they should go". That one day these little peanuts of mine will be out of my care and on their own. I am a perfectionist and an idealist, so there are many things that I want or hope for my daughters: I want them to be smart and beautiful, happy and successful, gentle and kind. I want them to have great style, handsome husbands, a handful of kids, a golden retriever and a house with a picket fence (or is this just what I want for myself?;)). But so much more than that, I want them to be holy. I don't mean holy as in "holier than thou", stand-offish, how dare you holy. I mean holy as in pure in heart. I want them to love what is good and to be driven by it. I want them to realize that there is so much more to this world than themselves. I want them to see the bigger picture and to have a heart for other people. Lately, this is what I've been praying for my girls:

"She obeys me, she accepts my correction, she does trust in the Lord, she does draw near to God." (adapted from zephaniah 3:2)

This sums up my hopes for my daughters. I want Emma, Madeline & Claire to be girls (and one day women) who obey, accept correction, trust in the Lord and draw near to God. Above all else, I want them to know God in the same way I know Him and to know the freedom that it brings. I also want them to never grow up, but somehow I don't think that one's gonna happen:(

xoxo,

ali

{the little things}

2011-08-11T21:08:00.000-07:00

Today was one of those perfect days that just makes me so thankful for my crew of little girls. I took the girls to the mall for mommy & me craft time. The discovery museum did a super-cute presentation on dinosaurs, there was a bounce house, some crafts and some treats and prizes for the kids. Afterwards, we walked the mall to go on our bigouting of the morning....to Bath & Body Works to buy new "hanatizer" for their backpacks. I adore little girls and the fact that picking out their newest scent of hand sanitizer is a fascinating event. The four of us were like kids in a candy store, smelling all of the different scents and deciding which bottle would match the best with each girl's backpack. They were also excited to pick out some bottles to send to their cousins for a back to school gift and made me text Kristin right there in the store to find out what color Lily & Jane's backpacks are:) The girls were in heaven and I was in heaven watching their joy over a silly little $1 item.

Afterwards, we brought a delivery of Rita's water ice to daddy's office and sat outside at the picnic table enjoying a sunny summer afternoon and midday work break with all the cryo guys and Aunt Rach. Two simple pleasures that absolutely made the day of my three little girls. It doesn't take much:) Ahhhh, life is good!!

xoxo,

ali

{people person}

2011-08-11T20:39:00.000-07:00

I had a friend say to me the other day, "I feel like I need to tell you: I read your blog." She went on to ask me if I felt weird being so open: putting myself out there and having people know exactly what's going on in my life and what I am thinking. I have to admit, for a split second I thought to myself, "Wait a minute, am I crazy? Should I be more private? Why do I feel like it's ok to bare my soul in this way?" and then just as quickly the thought vanished because that's just not who I am. It's not how I'm wired. I am a people person. I have often been told that a conversation with me can often seem like an interview because I ask so many questions. The truth is, I ask those questions because I really do care. People fascinate me. I really do want to know your daughter's middle name, what color you painted your bathroom or who your best friend was growing up. And if you tell me, I can pretty much guarantee that I'm gonna commit it to memory and never forget it. I guess the same goes for me.....I'm an open book. There's not really much that I'm not willing to share with anyone that cares enough to ask. The way I look at it, we are all just people. We are all flawed in our own way. No matter how different we may appear on the outside, when you get right down to it, we all have the same fears, the same longings and similar needs brewing on the inside. So who cares? Apparently not I. Do you want to know that I left my baby in the car once or that I leave the house about three times a week without my wallet? Do you want to know that I do some sort of exercise about once every five minutes (much to my sister's annoyance) but I'll devour an entire cake if it gets anywhere within my arm's reach? I'll gladly tell you....because that's me. A girl that's often getting it wrong, but redeemed by a God who loves me in spite of my greatest shortcoming. Whether you're reading because you know me and love me, or you're reading because you know me and can't stand me, or you're reading even though you have no idea who I am but came across my blog when you put "birthday cake, working out, j crew & babies" in your google search box.....welcome! I'm really glad you're here:)

xoxo,

ali

{favorites}

2011-08-11T05:42:00.000-07:00

It's been a while since I've done a list of my current favorite things, so I thought it was about time. Here's what I can't get enough of right now....

1. early morning runs: cool air, quiet streets, burning calories and a route that has me running by homes that look like they're right out of the Truman Show....what's not to love?;)

2. french press coffee: totally old school but totally worth the effort.

3. mornings on my porch: i love how starting my day sitting on the porch with a cup of coffee and my bible completely changes my perspective and gives me just what i need to make the most of my day.

4. murad sun undone: for someone who's been fighting freckles for years, this product is a miracle worker. i'm hooked.

5. bare escentuals: LOVE every product and I love the makeup geniuses in the boutique that always know exactly what I need.

6. trader joes: (mom, are you proud??) i think i've officially become obsessed with this grocery store. i love the simplicity of it, i love the food and i love that somehow going there is an "event" that even the kids enjoy. (the frees samples, stickers, and hunt for the monkey game that results in lollipops could have something to do with it)

7. the swim club: there really aren't any words to express it's awesomeness and how it has saved my life this summer;)

8. bachelor pad: go ahead, judge me. then watch for yourself and see how television really cannot get any better than that. ever.

9. treat receipts: the pay off for my hubby making his daily stops at starbucks in the morning means i get a nightly walk to main street and an iced latte for myself.

10. home: after being away for so long at the beginning of the summer (don't get me wrong, florida was AMAZING and i can't wait to do it again next year) i am thankfully reminded of how much i love our house, our life here and how good it feels to be HOME.

11. flat belly diet: oh so thankful for my never failing, miracle working, go-to diet to get my butt back into shape after a summer of slacking.

12. ben & jerry's coffee heath bar crunch ice cream: almost more heath bars than ice cream. unreal. (ummm.....maybe why i need the flat belly diet?)

13. my girls: i am so thankful that i get to spend my days with them and i swear they get sweeter by the minute.

14. back to school time: i know i'm being redundant, but there's just something to be said about a fresh new backpack and lunchbox, a new stack of clothes, unworn and unscuffed shoes and the promise of a new year and the change of seasons that i just adore.

15. pottery barn kids halloween floor set: as usual, i'm completely in love. stayed tuned, because this is so great it deserves it's own post!

Ok, this list is ridiculously long. Apparently, I love a lot of things and I could go on all day, but I'll spare you for now....

xoxo,

ali

{coffee talk}

2011-08-04T05:28:00.000-07:00

Growing up, Jill was like a sister to me. We had that love/hate, super close but could be violatile kind of friendship thing going on (which our poor parents had to deal with on family vacations!). I am so thankful that the Lord has crossed our paths again in this season of our lives. There are some people that you are able to be closely connected to regardless of time and distance....it's been such a blessing to pick back up with this dear friend:) One of my favorite new routines are the early mornings that we spend together....catching up, sharing what's going on in our hearts and talking about the things that really matter over a cup (ok, several cups) of coffee while our kids play together. Just another little blessing that makes it feel more like home here:) Now, enough typing....time to get dressed and go deplete Jill's supply of K cups!

xoxo,
ali

{four}

2011-08-03T04:31:00.000-07:00

The question I get more than any other (and the one I have the most difficulty answering) is without a doubt "Are you having more kids?". For Ryan, the answer is a resounding 100% NO! He has a long list of very logical reasons for why we should not have another baby. For me, the answer is not so simple. I also have a list and it's anything but logical: I have always wanted to have four kids...I don't know if I just like round numbers or if four just seems like a lot and three doesn't (unless they are all complaining, whining or fighting...then three seems like plenty!) or if I just want one more baby to name and dress (could be!) or if I don't want my babies to grow up and that phase of my life to be over (sniff, sniff) or if deep down inside I really do feel like our family isn't complete just yet. What I do know is that I struggle with this daily. Take yesterday, for example....I'm at the pool with the kids which, like most things lately, has become QUITE EASY. I spent all morning watching a mother of three preschoolers lose her mind at the baby pool. Literally, this lady was on the verge of losing it. Chasing all three kids at once, screaming at them, pulling her hair out...the whole nine yards. Meanwhile, Emma and Madeline were off having tea parties underwater and taking turns on the diving board while Claire waded in the baby pool with her Barbies and I was laying out working on my tan and reading a book. I kept thinking about how relieved I was that I was no longer in the throes of toddler chasing, diaper changing, never sit still motherhood and how it really was ok if I never had another baby. While I was still reveling in my "life is good" mindset, I walked right past the cutest mom ever (tiny bikini, toned body, tanned skin and all), with her FOUR girls in matching swimsuits and eight little pink rubber flip flops all lined up in a row and the longing hit me in the gut all over again. SO. TYPICAL. It left me right back at sqaure one thinking that if I could throw all logic out the window, I'd have another baby in a heartbeat. Because the only thing cuter than three little girls......is four:)

xoxo,
ali

{so long}

2011-07-30T20:23:00.000-07:00

Ryan leaves in the morning for a weeklong trip to Indiana. Before the girls and I even wake up, he'll be gone and we'll be on our own until next Saturday:( Since this trip is a little longer than usual, it infringes on the weekend (ugh!) and it's summer and I've got no relief from the kids, I'm especially dreading this week. I've got a lot on my mental agenda (as usual) to keep us busy and to keep me from going crazy....I'm thinking long days at the pool, a trip to the movies, a beach day, some ice cream outings and a few play dates thrown in. Whenever Ryan's gone, I find myself trying to keep as busy as possible so that I'm not sitting around all day watching the clock and waiting for him to come home. What is it about knowing that another adult is going to walk through that door at the end of the day that makes the chaos so much more bearable? Or knowing that no one will be walking through the door that makes it so much more unbearable?

I've had Zephaniah 3:17 on my heart the past few days and I have a feeling that I will be praying a lot over the next week that I would realize the truth in these words:

"The Lord your God is with you (even though Ryan is not). He is mighty to save (me from losing my mind?!). He will take great delight in you. He will quiet you with His love (when I'm tired and frustrated and tempted to take it out on the kids). He will rejoice over you with singing."

Wish me luck!

xoxo,

ali

{ultimate chocolate chip cookie n oreo fudge brownie bar...WHAT?!}

2011-07-30T19:04:00.000-07:00

Seriously??? How AMAZING does this dessert look?!?! If you know me, then you know that I have a huge sweet tooth. I count every calorie and pretty much survive on lettuce.....until I come across something like THIS. Then I indulge enough to make up for all of the calories I've been depriving myself of. And then some. Ok, and then A LOT. But oh my goodness, it's soooo worth it. Every single time (well, every time as long as my jeans still fit). I cannot wait to try this recipe out. I'm thinking Monday night for the Bachelorette finale....watching Ashley hand out the final rose (team JP!) is cause for celebration, right?? ;) Can you not resist either? And seriously, how could you? Find the recipe here: http://www.kevinandamanda.com/whatsnew/new-recipes/ultimate-chocolate-chip-cookie-n-oreo-fudge-brownie-bar.html

Happy ooey gooey chocolately fudgey indulging!!!

xoxo,

ali

{beautiful}

2011-07-28T06:07:00.000-07:00

I took this picture in the middle of one of Claire's daily "I want to be beautiful" fits (apparently this bathing suit won't make her look beautiful...I totally disagree;)). Yesterday, after her third outfit change and all of the nonstop whining about what dress she was going to wear, I gave up and asked Emma to take over with Claire because I had had enough. Five minutes later, Em comes in with Claire all dressed and ready to go and tells me that she found the solution: "Mom, all you have to do is tell Claire that Jonah, Carter & JP (her current love interests) will all think she's beautiful in it and she'll wear whatever you want her to." OMG. As funny as that may be, it's the last message I want to be sending my three year old! The next day, I was reading 1 Peter and came across this:

"Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as braided hair (claire's fave!) and the wearing of gold jewelry and fine clothes (my fave;)). Instead, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a GENTLE and QUIET spirit, which is of great worth in God's sight". (1 peter 3:3-4)

Ahhh, those verses are so true and I'm thankful that as I'm learning how to shephard my three year old little girl, God is using her to show me my own heart and to refine me. So together, Claire and I will be working on being a little less concerned with our appearances, slightly less obsessed with our clothes and a whole lot more patient, content and beautiful on the inside:) With three girls in the house, I have a feeling that this is a battle we'll be fighting for years to come.....

xoxo,

ali

{breaking the rules}

2011-07-27T17:55:00.000-07:00

Like I've mentioned before, Madeline has been starting to feel the brunt of being the middle child. It doesn't help that Emma always gets all the "firsts". Tonight, our neighbors were going to a baseball game and had one extra ticket and invited Emma to go with them. I knew it would make Emma's day...she's been missing her friends big time lately and had already knocked on this same little girl's door at least twenty times in the past three days anxious for a chance to play with her. I also knew (and was proved correct by the half hour meltdown that followed) that it would crush Madeline. It was loud, it was ugly and it was heartbreaking. To Madeline, Isabella is her friend too, and she just couldn't understand why Emma was invited to go to the game and she wasn't:( After much consoling and a little bit of ice cream, she recovered....sort of. Well, Ryan is out of town, Claire is asleep, Emma is at the baseball game and I've got Madeline all to myself. I am usually the bedtime Nazi...I savor my down time way too much to be lax about letting the kids stay up late (especially when Ryan is away!). Tonight I threw my rules out the window. Instead, Maddy and I are snuggled up in my big white fluffy bed, staying up way past bedtime, watching The Princess and the Frog and having a sleepover of our very own. This is the stuff that memories are made from. I hope she never forgets this night....I know I never will.

xoxo,
ali

{suffering}

2011-07-26T21:17:00.000-07:00

I have had a burden on my heart lately for so many people I know that are suffering. It seems day after day that I am constantly hearing of another dire situation...friends who are longing for babies yet cannot conceive, people hoping to adopt babies only to have to return them to their birth parents, marriages that are falling apart, spouses that are unfaithful, addictions and substance abuse problems, mothers that are dying of cancer and leaving small children behind, parents burying their children who have been taken from them way too soon, a dear friend that is here one day and tragically gone the next, mounting bills with no money to pay them....the list could go on and I'm sure for some of you I haven't even touched the surface of what's going on in your own heart. Yesterday, I was rereading some earlier blog posts and I saw in one that I had mentioned that I was loving Romans 5 at that time. To be honest with you, I could not remember what Romans 5 says or why it was so meaningful to me then, so I grabbed my bible to look it up. This is what I found:

"And we rejoice in the HOPE of the glory of God. Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance character; and character hope. And hope DOES NOT disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us." Romans 5:2-5

This I do know: God is good. So good, in fact, that while we were so knee deep in our own sin, he CHOSE to send his son to pay the price for us. I can only imagine the suffering that God felt watching his son die. I can only imagine the suffering that Christ felt as he was nailed to the cross. He KNOWS your heart. He knows suffering. He understands your deepest fears and can meet your deepest needs. He has been there. And He is waiting to walk you through whatever burdens He's allowing you to endure. All you have to do is let Him. And it really is as easy as that...He waits patiently for us to realize our need for Him and then He supplies us with all of the grace we'll ever need to endure whatever it is we're suffering through. This is the undercurrent to my life. The fact that no matter what happens, or how bad things get, I have a loving God that will never let me fall out of His reach. I can't imagine surviving everything this world throws at me without that hope. I'm praying you know that Hope too.

"Come to me all who are weary and burdened and I will give you rest." Matthew 11:28

xoxo,

ali

{back to school}

2011-07-26T20:02:00.001-07:00

This is the time of year that I start to get a little too excited about all things "back to school" related. Backpacks, lunch boxes, back to school clothes, freshly sharpened pencils, school supplies, new shoes....I love it all! This year Emma is sooooo excited to have Madeline at her school that she requested they dress alike the first day so that everyone will know that they are sisters. She didn't have to ask me twice!;)

Here is what (as of now) the Boyd sisters will be wearing on their first day of school:

I start stalking the pottery barn kids backpack selection every year on the 4th of July when they roll out the new styles. (Yes, I'm aware that it's slightly sick that I know the exact date when this occurs.) But really, don't these pictures just get you so excited for back to school time?

Ahh, I love it! I can almost feel the crisp fall air and the promise of a year full of new adventures and new beginnings with my girls. Until then, I'll be soaking up every extra minute that I have with them and we'll be making the most of our long and lazy summer days together:)

xoxo,

ali

{simple pleasures}

2011-07-26T19:02:00.001-07:00

Everyone now and then I love me a good old fashioned, high school style date night. Tonight was one of those nights. Ryan suggested going into the city for dinner, but getting dressed up and eating way too much just wasn't what I was in the mood for. Instead, we opted for dinner at Chipotle, a pint of Ben & Jerry's and a romantic comedy.....and it was perfect!! We saw Friends with Benefits-so so adorable. It had a great soundtrack, Mila Kunis (hello, GORGEOUS) had a killer wardrobe and THE best hair ever, and Ryan and I both laughed throughout the whole thing. All that and a shared pint of coffee heath bar crunch and it was the perfect night kicking back with my hubby:)

xoxo,

ali

{summertime}

2011-07-26T12:28:00.003-07:00

Ah, summer! I'm not gonna lie, there are moments when I'm over it...when Emma, who is used to being busy at school everyday, is bored by 7 am; when I'm sweating my butt off ALL DAY LONG; when the heat index is 117 outside and the a/c in my mini van breaks; when I have to figure out creative ways to cool my kids off without a pool membership, etc. But for the most part, I am reveling in the lazy days with absolutely no agenda, no extracurricular activities ruling our schedule and no long school days stealing away my cutie pies who are growing up way too quickly.

Today has been the perfect summer day....we lazed around all morning. Literally, all morning. We barely made it out the door by noon. We met Sara and the kids for lunch at Friendly's....the service was terrible, the food was tolerable, the company was great and the ice cream was delicious!!! From there we went to the Moorestown Library for movie day. ABSOLUTELY ADORABLE. They played Beverly Hills Chihuahua and had a whole little movie theater set up complete with snacks, lemonade and a treat bag for the kids!! The girls had a blast:) The library has become one of my favorite parts of small town living. I love the endless supply of activities they provide for the kids, the fact that it's within walking distance, the familiar faces we see there and that the children's librarian knows my girls by name. I'm pretty sure that we'll be attending movie day every Tuesday for the rest of the summer:) Next up is the long awaited lemonade stand...the girls have been anxiously awaiting this for days but the weather has not been cooperating. Right now the sun is shining and it's not too hot, so we're off to sell some icy cold lemonade.....(wish them luck;)). Pics to follow!!:)

xoxo,

ali

{hello there:)}

2011-07-24T20:53:00.001-07:00

Anniversaries, birthdays, changes of seasons, new phases of life, the passing of time....ok, pretty much EVERYTHING....makes me sentimental. Combine our 12 year anniversary, madeline & claire's recent birthdays, the mark of our first year in NJ, the end of our first trip back to FL, a new school year on the horizon, the begging and pleading of my mother;) and the tugging on my heart to start blogging again and here I am....the new and improved blog. As usual, life has been challenging, strengthening and blessed in so many ways and I am excited to begin capturing it here again. First, let's get caught up!

{ryan...}

Gosh, I love that guy. As I was shopping for anniversary cards, I noticed that there is this whole new section of cards within the anniversary section dedicated to "I love our family life". I picked up card after card and read sentiments that described loving "our kids, our family time, etc" but never mentioned a single thing about loving the actual spouse! This was so sad to me...so sad, in fact, that I found myself reading card after card because I was in disbelief of how many like that there were on the shelves. Don't get me wrong, I absolutely adore our children and as a "quality time" love language girl, one of my favorite things in this world IS our family time together....doing anything and everything just the five of us. But I hope and pray that I never reach a point in my marriage where it no longer becomes about US. As much as I love our kids and the family God has blessed us with, I love Ryan. I love that he is my best friend in the whole world, the person I feel the most at home with. I love that he is patient and loving and kind. I love that he can have more fun with the girls than I ever will but he can also be the voice of reason. I love that he is future-minded and sees the big picture when I only see the here and now. I love that he is way more obsessed with shoes than I am;) I love that he values me and is devoted to me. I love that he drives home everyday just to eat lunch with us. I love when he thinks he needs a haircut, but really it looks just perfect to me. I love that he considers shopping at Nordstrom a totally acceptable date. I love that the words he writes on a card can make me burst into tears. I love a million different things about him and I love that I love him more the more I know him. I am continually in complete awe and thanking God for the marriage He has blessed us with. And I will fight to keep it that way:)

{emma...}

I spent a good part of this year concerned and prayerful for my biggest girl and the Lord has been so faithful in answering those prayers. Em is my most shy and introverted and the one that has always given me the most worry lines. Adjusting to a new school and new friends was hard for her, but she's getting into her groove. A minor crisis a few months back that led to her being grounded for two weeks and me completely MORTIFIED! has surprisingly turned itself into a new friendship with a sweet little girl. This summer has been great for Emma....she is HAPPY as a clam and right now, and for this girl, that's good enough for me. I'm not sure if I've ever seen her this content and with her guard completely down. I'm so thankful to God for that blessing. She is a great big sister....thrilled to have Madeline at her school next year and excited to show her the ropes. I love overhearing her filling Madeline in on life at South Valley:) She is Claire's other mommy...if she gets the chance to dress her, feed her breakfast or read her a book, it's the highlight of her day. She finds value in feeling needed and capable and I find value in having an extra set of hands. Win/win? I think so! I'm still amazed at how well she reads....I don't think there's anything that we've thrown at her that she couldn't just read right back to us like it was the easiest thing in the world. Crazy, how quickly they grow:(

{madeline...}

Sweet Madeline, where do I start?! For most of her life, I have labeled Mad as "the easy one". HA. HA. HA. Boy, was I wrong!!! Madeline is still a people pleaser and has the sweetest, most loving heart, but easy? No way. I don't know if it's classic middle child syndrome starting to make itself known, but Mad has quickly become our handful. There are several times a day where I have to brace myself because I know that any little change of pace or her not getting her way will turn into a complete Maddy Meltdown. Trust me, you don't want to be anywhere near one. They're UGLY. Kicking, screaming, out of control, "you are way too big to be doing this", ugly. The good news is that the meltdowns eventually come to and end when she realizes that we're not giving in and just like that she's back to being her sweet and happy self. The bad news is I don't see them going away anytime soon. Mad has many nicknames around here...."little miss forgetful" (the amount of stuff this girl loses is actually kind of shocking), "little miss complainy pants" (we're working on Philippians 2:14 for this.....so far, it's not really working;)) "little miss sunshine" (because other than when she's in meltdown mode, she is one of the silliest and happiest people I've ever met). I'm trying more and more to not take her for granted and to make sure my monkey in the middle knows that she is loved and valued as much as the next girl.

{claire...}

Claire is 100% girl, 100% adorable and full of 100% attitude. She looks like a 2 year old, talks like a 3 year old, thinks she's a 15 year old and spends half her day posing in front of a mirror. The world is Claire's stage. She thrives on being the center of attention and she usually gets it...whether it's just our family being held captive by her antics at the dinner table or any adult that loves the girl with the huge personality and the tiny body. Bear wakes up in the morning and immediately needs to get dressed in the fanciest thing she can find...it's a tutu EVERY. SINGLE. DAY. for this girl and if I even think about dressing her in anything else, I literally have to listen to a sob story about how "no one will think I'm beautiful". Claire and I have a talk on a daily basis about inner beauty, but for this just turned three year old that already has her mind fixed on her wedding day and the boy of her dreams (jonah glassford:)) it's not really sinking in. I've got my work cut out for me with this one! I cannot wait to have her all to myself at home while the big girls are at school this year :)

{and then there's me....}

I'm the same as always and hopefully different all at the same time. The Lord has really used this year to stretch me and mold me. There's nothing like being thrown from your comfort zone and starting over from scratch to keep you on your toes. I am thankful for all of the pain, sadness, excitement, loneliness, hopefulness and the million different ups and downs that this year brought because they have all drawn me nearer to the Lord. I had the best time in Florida...it was great to spend so much time with my family and to jump right back in with my friends. There were so many times throughout the trip that I forgot that I had moved, felt like I had never left and I thought that leaving would rip my heart out. I am so thankful that the Lord protected me from that. When we got back here, it actually felt like home. I had people I couldn't wait to see, places I couldn't wait to go and a house that I was anxious to settle back into. This was a huge answer to prayer! I have been loving the laziness of summer and the chance to spend extra quiet time because there is nowhere we need to be running off to. The girls have been memorizing scripture (they are sponges...it's incredible how fast they pick it up). I love how it's keeping me in the word, excitedly looking for their next verse to learn and how the silly little hand motions we come up with make it so easy for Ryan and I to memorize right along with them:) I am already counting down until the fall....daydreaming about the change of seasons and remembering how blessed we are to experience it. I still love a shiny new Range Rover, the latest j crew catalog, and the new fall floor set at pottery barn as much as the next girl (ok, probably MORE than the next girl), but it all pales in comparison to Jesus and the hope I have in Him. As great as those things are, they are temporary...and they still leave me longing for more...and there is SO much more than this world has to offer....how great is that?:)

xoxo,

ali

melt my heart

2011-02-07T12:38:00.001-08:00

this is by far my favorite conversation of the week....
Earlier today, I was working on a blog post for Emma's birthday and I had tears running down my face. Madeline asked why I was crying and I told her that sometimes I get sad because I just wish my girls could stay little. A little while later, she came up to me and said, "Do you know that if you don't blow out the candles on your birthday cake then you don't turn that age and don't get any bigger? So I'm never gonna blow my candles out again and I'll stay little!" Big. Huge. Hug. A few minutes after that, she comes back to me and says, "Mom, on your birthdays can you not blow out the candles either? Cause if I'm always gonna be a little girl then I need you to stay a mommy. Otherwise, I'll just have three grandmas." Not only do I love how her little mind works, but I love the sweetness of this girl. She kills me.

p.s. earlier today, this same little girl left the playroom, ran across the house just to give me a kiss and then ran back to continue playing. please, please, NEVER GROW UP.

2011-02-02T05:28:00.000-08:00

62. a full night's sleep

63. consuming tons of cake on a saturday (and having cake-worthy events to attend!)

64. making valentines with madeline

65. when claire tells me "'I'm so proud of you"

66. selling cookies with my girl scout :)

67. cilantro

68. tanning (and feeling heat on my body for the first time in months!)

69. an hour alone in target

70. j crew's extra 40% off sale

71. my inlaws living a mile away

72. God's provision for my every need

73. spur of the moment date nights with my hubby (courtesy of rach)

74. whole foods!!

75. pushing myself to the limit on the treadmill

76. swimming laps then sitting in the hot tub

77. having sore muscles for the first time in months

78. distressed boyfriend jeans

79. gelato

big girl bed!!!!

2011-02-02T05:17:00.000-08:00

We finally moved Claire to her big girl bed. After months of her waking up cold and uncomfortable several times a night (and me getting no sleep feeling like I still had a newborn), we finally pulled the plug and took the crib away. She was a little resistant at first, awake and screaming at 1 am the first night, begging for her crib, but she soon fell back asleep and has been sleeping like a champ ever since! The sweetest part is when I can overhear her and Madeline talking and playing with each other when they wake up in the morning. This week has been the first time since we moved that I have slept through the night. I am so much more rested and so much less grumpy when the morning hits :) I can't believe that it was this easy or that it took me this long to ditch the crib....but Claire is in no hurry to be a big girl and I am in no hurry for my baby to grow up. I know it's inevitable, but I plan on delaying it as long as possible! Now we're gearing up to start potty training....eventually!! ;)

bedtime bliss

2011-01-20T19:25:00.000-08:00

After months of struggling with Claire waking everybody up insanely early in the morning and me stressing out over how to keep it from happening, I have found a solution that works for now. I have been putting the girls to bed by 6:30 and it has worked out perfectly (thanks beth for the inspiration!). I finally realized that if I could not change the time they were waking up, I could at least make up for it on the other end. The girls fall asleep within minutes of their heads hitting the pillow and I have noticed that the big girls are much more rested when they wake up. I feel a lot less guilty when Claire wakes them up early on a school day because I know that they have gotten a full night's sleep. This week, Ryan has been out of town and it has been such a relief to have them in bed early and to have hours of peace and quiet to regroup before I start it all over again the next day. I know that this routine won't last forever...once the warmer weather is here and the sun is still shining bright at 6:30, I won't be able to fool them into believing that it's bedtime, but I'll take it as long as it lasts and we'll figure out what works when that time comes. Because isn't that how parenting always is? Getting things perfectly figured out just in time for them to change again. Keeps us on our toes, I guess. Or just gives us premature wrinkles and high blood pressure.

busy week

2011-01-20T19:10:00.002-08:00

Ryan's been out of town all week and it's been busy, but yes mom, I'm still counting my blessings....

44. the snowfall that's on its way!
45. Claire gaining 4 pounds in a month and finally landing herself on the growth chart!
46. The Bachelor.
47. American Idol
48. Philosophy Advanced Makeup Optional. Sara, I owe you.
49. a week full of playdates!!
50. finding leftover christmas decorations at pottery barn for super cheap
51. hearing claire say, "you my best friend, emma!"
52. friendly's butter crunch ice cream with peanut butter sauce
53. people magazine in my mailbox!
54. rain boots
55. romans 5
56. breakfast at the pop shop!
57. emma's enthusiasm over selling girl scout cookies
58. the ridiculuous amount of cuddles and hugs i get from madeline every day
59. "i miss you" texts from my hubby when he's out of town
60. pushups
61. that i haven't felt lonely (or cried) even once this week :)

2011-01-14T05:03:00.000-08:00

37. madeline playing with her bff all afternoon

38. watching the complete joy on the girl's faces as they sled down a hill

39. hearing madeline say, "i love winter!!!" for the first time

40. when claire says "actually"

41. the cheesecake factory

42. breaking a little bit of a sweat running uphill after sledding

43. baking in the early morning while it's still dark outside

twelve

2011-01-13T11:21:00.000-08:00

Twelve is my token number. The one I use to describe anything (larger than two or three when it needs to be or smaller than twenty or thirty depending on the situation). Get the picture? For example, if you have more than four kids, you probably have twelve. Or if I want to put into words exactly how young I was when Ryan and I got married....we were twelve. Obviously. So when my mom suggested this week that I look into becoming a real estate agent, my response was that nobody was going to hire me because I look like I'm twelve. To this, her response was, "I've got news for you, but you REALLY can't pass for "twelve" anymore." Sounds logical (after all, I am twenty years past my twelfth birthday and I've birthed three children), unless you know me and know my mom and know that my mom knows that twelve is just a way of me saying that I look young. So, what she was really getting at was that I look old. And it hit me like a ton of bricks....it's like she opened my eyes and I've seen it ever since. I'm OOOOOLLLLLLLDDDD!! I have wrinkles that I never knew existed and thin, saggy skin on my face. I am flat out, clear as day aging and I never knew it. I am bound and determined to invest in every skin care regimen out there and re-twelve-ify myself!!

2011-01-13T09:51:00.001-08:00

30. story and craft time at the library for madeline and an hour alone with claire for me

31. philly soft pretzels dipped in buttercream frosting

32. a surprise day at the spa package from ry

33. seeing my hubby in the middle of a weekday

34. naptime with a warm blanket, a good book and a dunkin donuts latte

35. knowing that i have two different playdates to look forward to tomorrow

36. the sunlight pouring in my living room windows

2011-01-13T06:13:00.000-08:00

22. the change of seasons

23. snow days!

24. sledding on stokes hill

25. salted caramel hot chocolate

26. unexpected emails and words of encouragement from friends and relatives :)

27. super cute Sorel boots

28. bare minerals faux tan bronzer

29. snuggies. seriously.

the long and lonely road

2011-01-11T22:45:00.000-08:00

I knew this would inevitably happen. It took me a week of sleepless nights and lots of prayer to first process the move when Ryan initially brought it up to me over a year ago. I remember pouring over my bible all hours of the night, knowing that moving away and leaving my life behind meant that a time would come when I would be feeling empty, lonely and desperate. Fortunately, God prepared me ahead of time and even though this road is long and hard, He did promise "to bring me back to this place".....not the literal place that I left, but the place of contentment, happiness and knowing who the heck I am. I currently feel like a shell of my former self. I had so many defining circumstances that made me who I am that I feel stripped of now. The best friends in the world...the kind I prayed and waited my whole life for. So many of them, that I often felt pulled in many directions trying to juggle all the people in my life that meant so much to me. A church that was passionate and real and drove me to pursue the Lord like never before. A gym that felt like home where the equipment was lacking, the dirt was often collecting, but a place where everyone knew my name and I knew theirs. A place that sparked in me a passion for breaking a sweat in the gym and kicking butt in a race. I left behind a place that wherever I went...the grocery store, the beach, the doctor's office, I was bound to run into someone that I knew. The TANNING SALON, the sun and the gloriously golden color of my skin. A hairdresser that I completely trusted with my hair and chatted with on facebook. Birthday parties that took months to plan, millions of dollars spent on little details and a guest list that required the largest cake possible and then some. A bible study where I was completely comfortable with everyone in the room and I was completely free to laugh, joke, cry, tell my leader how hot her husband is.....to BE ALI. Now I sit in my car and cry before walking into MOPS because nobody there knows me. They have never met my children or husband and I have never met theirs. I see them for two hours every two weeks, say goodbye and never see or talk to them again until two weeks later. They know nothing about my loves and interests, my short comings, what makes me who I am. Now we try out different churches and nothing ever feels right and the word is never alive to us and the crowd consists of ten percent young families like us rather than ninety percent. Now I go to the gym to the most ridiculously easy class in a room full of emaciated middle aged women and the teacher asks me if it's my first time there even though it's my tenth. Now I have a little girl with an upcoming birthday and only one or two friends and therefore no party on the agenda. Now I have more split ends than I can count, roots halfway down my head and hair longer than it should ever be. Now I can go for days at a time without seeing a familiar face. Now my playdates are every other week rather than daily and my girls nights out are every other month rather than once or twice a week. Now I am a shell of my former self. But like I started out saying, none of this was a surprise. When you go from having the life you've always dreamt about and lacked for nothing and you uproot from that, it is expected that days like these will come when you realize how high you were and how far you've fallen. I am thankful that the Lord prepared me for this and trying my hardest to cling to that and cling to Him even when my circumstances seem hopeless. That all being said, I would be an enormous brat if I did not recognize how much I am truly blessed. So, here's an inconclusive list of what I'm currently thankful for and my hope is that as I recognize new blessings daily that I will post them as a reminder of the big picture and that as this list grows, I will grow and that through it all, I'll find "Ali" again.

1. the unfailing love of a savior even at the loneliest times

2. a husband that I adore and who I'd still follow anywhere, no matter the cost

3. the three most precious little girls in the world

4. a mom who will spend hours listening to me cry and moan and empathize with me and then counsel me

5. the gorgeous white snow outside my window

6. raising my kids with the kids of my childhood friends

7. the perfect house for our family (even if our electric bill made me cry)

8. the school bus

9. a new tradition of holiday parties with sara, beth, jill and our kids

10. a new partner in obsessively loving pottery barn and j crew crime (you know who you are)

11. rach living right next door

12. monday night bachelor dates with bec that bring me back in time eight years

13. walking into starbucks and at least one person knowing my name

14. my mini van (no matter how dirty and food encrusted it may be)

15. an unexpected text from a friend that can turn my day around

16. a pediatrician that cares enough about our family to call me himself

17. visits from my sister, maria and my parents

18. my weekly dates with emma and a time set aside to focus only on her

19. the loving, tender heart of madeline and her never ending hugs and kisses

20. a 2 1/2 year old that looks like a one year old, talks like a three year old and has every one she meets wrapped around her finger

21. knowing that this too shall pass

"I will come to you and fulfill my gracious promise to bring you back to this place. For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord. Plans to prosper you and not to harm you. Plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. I will be found by you and will bring you back from captivity." jeremiah 29:10-14

five am

2010-11-10T04:20:00.000-08:00

really? we were just getting into a cycle of "sleeping in" around here. the mornings were dark and cold and all three girls were sleeping past seven snuggled in the warmth of their beds. thank you, daylight savings for completely bursting my bubble. claire is now consistently up at 5 everyday (5:10 today, she was kind enough to give me and extra ten minutes). i have tried everything this week to break the cycle....late naps, early naps, late bedtime, early bedtime....nothing is working! as i lie with her in the mornings in the stillness trying to will both of us to go back to sleep, i can't help but think that my days with little ones are numbered...that before i know it the girls will be teenagers and won't need me in the same way....and that the obstacles i face in raising them will make me long for the days when 5 am wake up calls were as hard as it got. so, at least for today, i'm trying to be patient with her and soak in all of her two year old cuteness that i know won't last forever. maybe before long i'll start looking forward to 5am and my chance to be alone with her. maybe??

just wanna blog about it....

2010-11-07T12:59:00.000-08:00

I am in such a state of joy in my life right now that I can't help but write about it. This move has been such a transforming time in my life...I am like clay in the potter's hands. While they were not inherently bad things, many of the defining parts of my life over the last several years have been taken away from me in this move. Being stripped of many of the people and things that were defining who I am have left me moldable...and I am loving the new shape that is taking place. I love the quiet stillness of having all the distractions removed that allows me to experience God in a whole new way. I can see His hand at work in all the corners of my life and I am thankful for this season that He's provided that allows me to cling to Him and His word. God is near and he is good!

trick or treat!!

2010-10-31T18:06:00.001-07:00

Another Halloween has come and gone! We had a great night trick or treating with the girls. It was fun to trick or treat in some cool weather for a change, and the orange leaf covered streets and sidewalks were the perfect backdrop!! Claire made it as far as the house next door and that's when she basically quit. Ryan and I took turns carrying her all over town...she let us put her down at each house to bashfully collect her candy and then jumped right into our arms once she obtained her goods. The big girls had so much fun running from house to house and used perfect trick or treating manners :) After a while, they had had enough and were ready to head back home and warm up and eat dinner and pass out some candy themselves. The best part of my night may have been after dinner when Claire and Mad were too beat to go out again but Emma got her second wind and was ready for a little more. We went out trick or treating for a while, just the two of us and I got to enjoy some one on one time walking up and down the street hand in hand with my little girl listening all about halloween from the perspective of a six year old :) She loved to examine each of the houses on the street and try to determine based on the lights, decorations, etc whether the people were home or not and found it very thoughtful when the people who weren't home or had run out of candy put a sign on the door to let everyone know. Her monologue was pretty entertaining...how I love those rare moments when everything and everyone else fades away and I can soak in my girls one at a time.

falling for fall

2010-10-29T11:58:00.000-07:00

I've always loved the change of seasons. It's funny how I grew up my whole life with them and after being gone for several years it's as thought I'm experiencing it for the first time. Fall is breathtaking. The colors of the trees baffle me...I find myself driving through town just to soak in the beauty of what surrounds me. There is a tree on my street whose colors are so shocking...almost irridecent...so beautiful that I have actually saw a person get out of his car and stand in the middle of the street just to photograph it. I love that leaves fall and collect like firey snow....on the sidewalk, on parked cars. On my run the other night, I ran right through a sidewalk covered in orange leaves...beautiful. I always love this time of year...Halloween, Thanksgiving, pumpkins and hayrides. I usually love fall mostly because I know that Christmas is following in it's footsteps. This year I'm trying to love it for what it is and savor each day of the beauty...for the first time in my life...Christmas can wait.

the FULLness of life

2010-10-27T01:00:00.000-07:00

small house + small gym = small body. big house + big gym = big body?? For the past several years, my house has been small, my kids have been climbing on top of each other and my small gym has been my great escape. And I have to say, it had been working pretty well for me. What better way to escape the annoyance of cranky kids fighting with each other in close quarters than to bring them to the gym where I can escape and work out with my friends while they play with theirs? We did this. A lot. A whole lot. It's easy to maintain being a size zero when you live at the gym. Not so much when you never go. At first when we moved, I was just too busy unpacking and getting settled to get to there. Now I'm just too content. My house is big and spacious, the kids have room to play. I would much rather be at home baking or decorating while the kids play contentedly upstairs than drag them out just to get a mediocre workout in a room full of strangers. This is not working so well for me. I am not one of those who is blessed with a good metabolism. I eat a brownie, my jeans don't fit the next day. Period. I am currently like a sausage, squeezing my no longer a size zero butt into my size zero jeans because I refuse to accept the fact that this is the new me. You know the term "fat and happy"? It doesn't exist. Not for me. Happiness may be what leads to fatness, but with fatness there is no happiness. So there. I may have to find new ways to get myself motivated and keep it interesting, but deep inside, there is still that love of working out and the adrenaline rush that comes with it and I refuse to let it die. And more importantly, I refuse to succumb to mom jeans.

2, 4 and 6

2010-10-26T23:54:00.001-07:00

It's been so long, that it's time for an update on the girls. Enough said.

Emma is in 1st grade and is loving life. She still has her moments of jealousy towards Madeline and complete attitude, but overall she's extremely happy. For the first time since Claire was born, Emma has her own room. She is in her glory. The walls are all decorated with her artwork and the night table is piled high with her books. When she gets tired or overwhelmed, she loves to just escape to her room. She is such an introvert, and it has been great for her to have that space to herself. She can sit up there for hours crafting at her desk or reading to herself. She has developed a love of reading...she reads chapter books (the Rainbow Fairy series is her fave!) and reads long stories to her sisters at night. She also holds a school/camp for them that is hilarious. She reads to them, does crafts with them, teaches them and throws some exercise in every now and then :) She is in the art club at school and is absolutely loving it. She is begging to take piano lessons also. These two things are perfect for her...she has always had such a strong creative side. She rides the bus and does all of those little "Miss Mary Mack" type hand gesture songs that little girls do...it amazed me how many she has learned and how quickly she can sing them and do the motions. Madeline is loving learning them from her. Her best friend is Isabella. They sit together on the bus, have playdates after school and go to Kingdom Kids together. I am so thankful that she has found a good friend and one that lives three houses away. Since we've moved, Ryan has started the habit of reading the Bible with her at bedtime and I love to overhear them during that time....it is so precious to me. She has (finally!) developed an obsession with American Girl and I cannot wait to start Christmas shopping for her this year! Her top two teeth are wiggly and the one on the left looks like it will fall out any day. The shift in her teeth because of the looseness is changing her appearance and making her look older :( She's a sweet little girl who's sometimes unsure of herself and needs a little extra love :)

Madeline is her usual happy go lucky self. She is absolutely in love with being in school...she would move right in if she could. The four day weekends are hard for her...she asks everyday how soon she can go back. Of anyone, Madeline is the one who missed Florida the most. She misses her friends (Layla to be specific) and the things that are familiar to her. Every now and then she asks why we will live here for a long time and not go back. It breaks my heart that she is such a lover and misses everyone, but I draw peace from the fact that she is little and resilient. She has a love/hate relationship with the fact that she now shares a room with Claire. She begs for her own room because Emma has her own room and often thinks that she does have her own room and Claire is just sleeping over. Some mornings, however, she is the one to get Claire out of her crib (I have no idea how and I don't ask) and bring her down to see Mommy and Daddy when they wake up and it is so sweet to hear her early morning whispers to her baby sister as she cares for her. She is addicted to texting (sorry Norma!) and texts everyone she knows. She has mastered a few words and uses emojicons or my spelling help to fill in when she needs it. She still loves to journal and every page is basically the same...mom, dad, emma, madeline, claire, boyd, love, layla and sometimes a little bit of "matthew" thrown in there. She's obsessed with numbers. She sits at the dinner table just blurting out random numbers or asking for the answers to addition or math problems. She has mastered a few of the basics and loves to write them out on paper or just talk about them in conversation. She is completely silly, she is in love with her daddy, she dressed herself the minutes she gets up everyday and stands in front of the mirror brushing her hair. She is still as compliant as ever and just wants to please and do what's right. She loves big and she loves hard and she's completely unwavering.

Claire. Oh my goodness Claire. She is hilarous. Being the baby of the family is starting to rear it's head in her. She knows that she is adored and she has a captive audience and uses it to her full advantage. The dinner table is like the Claire Show. She goes absolutely crazy singing, dancing, making funny faces and she has the four of us laughing hysterically. She even likes to crack jokes. When Ryan leaves for work in the morning, you can see the wheels turning in her head and then she'll blurt out something like "Bye baby bottle!" and then give a little smirk. We are constantly cracking up because of her and I am constantly amazed that a two year old can be so intentionally funny. She is doing great walking and going up and down the stairs. There are plenty stairs in the new house for her to practice on. She has even started to run...she has a funny way of pumping only her right arm when she runs...looks oddly cute :) She talks up a storm and apparently has developed a raspy little voice that is so perfectly squeaky and cute. She is in love with Uncle Nate and would move in with him if given the chance. She is terrified of the potty, she uses her "ninny" sometimes but knows she doesn't need it and the things that she hates most in the world is time out. If she won't stop being naughty, all I have to do is even mention the words time out. In her little world, there is nothing worse than being in the corner. How can you be the life of the party when you are in the corner? She loves her daddy to death and the worst part of her day is when Madeline gets to go in his car to go to school and she doesn't. It drives her insane. Literally. I love the hours that Mad is at school and I am alone in the house with Claire (and not just because she's asleep for most of it!), but because for that short amount of time that she is awake, I get to focus all of my attention on my baby girl.

So there you have it...sassy, sweet and silly...between all three girls, we've got all the bases covered and I wouldn't trade them for the world!!

life interrupted

2010-10-26T23:12:00.000-07:00

It's 2am and thanks to Jill's delicious holiday edition coffee, I cannot sleep. This is the time of night that I lie in bed and my mind starts thinking in "blog speak"...so here I am. Almost four months and a thousand miles away from my last post. We talked at bible study tonight about Jonah and what it means when your life is interrupted. Last time I wrote, I had no idea that in just a few months I would be living in NJ. Sure, it was a thought that I knew was in the back of our (Ryan's) mind, but I honestly had no idea that God had more immediate plans for us. Man, am I thankful that He did. The life I left behind in Fort Myers was amazing. What I thought was perfect. I remember many times (probably every day) thinking about how much I loved my life and nothing could get better...a dangerous place to be, I realized, because when you are on top, you can only go down. Or you can go to New Jersey :) Although I left behind many places and people that were precious to me (and whom I miss dearly)...life is more full now than it was before and I didn't even know that was possible.
For someone who is always on the go and who's calendar was always full, I have been relishing the simple life and it has made all the difference. While I once ran around all day (literally and figuratively), I now enjoy just being home....cleaning, cooking, baking (not so good for my figure or the fact that apparently leggings are considered pants in the fall/winter wardrobe), and taking care of my family. Without the stress and tension of always being on the go (and always being in public with way tooo many kids by my side), I have become a much more patient mother....the overwhelming need to lose your cool with your kids is a lot less urgent when you are at home than when they are throwing a tantrum in Target. :) While I gave up living "semi-near" my family, seeing them for short spurts and quick overnight trips every now and then, I traded that for long, meaningful visits with them. We had such great visits this month and I can't wait until they all come back! One of my biggest desires in life has always been for Ryan and I to have friends that are as close as family...we topped that. We have actual family that are close friends. I am loving living near Rachel, Nate, Jodi and the kids. I am loving it so much that I deliver soft pretzels to the office every week just to see them. I am loving it so much that I am baking for them while they watch the game with Ryan on Sundays just because I'm thrilled that they are here. I love that Nate and Rach are the girls favorite people in the world right now and that it makes their day when they see one of them! I love that Emma went from a school that refused to offer her speech therapy to a school that not only recognized her need, but is one of the ONLY schools around that has a therapist who's specialty is stuttering (this is so rare, and such a gift from the Lord). I am so glad that I have been blessed with friends here...that over the past few years through facebook and blogging, I have reconnected with long lost friends that have made this transition so much easier for me. I am thankful for Sara and for how much we have in common. We have so many of the same interests and I feel like our minds just work the same way. I am loving the time that I get to spend with her and her adorable kids. I am thankful for Jill and the common bond we have in our love for the Lord and how she has been able to get me plugged in here so quickly. I am thankful for Beth and the ease of friendship that comes with knowing someone for such a long time. I am thankful for the girls that I am just meeting that I feel will become close friends over time. I love the gorgeous red leaves on the tree outside my bedroom window and the beauty of fall. So yes, here I sit, a shocking thousand miles away from my last post. On the same computer, yet in a place I never imagined. And my life is more blessed than I could have dreamed because of it.

quotes of the day

2010-07-08T12:10:00.000-07:00

I love the thousands of little things a day that the girls say that are so distinctive to their personalities....here are my faves from yesterday:

Claire (who I can already tell has a devious side): I walked into her room yesterday and she was sitting playing with Barbies and it was very obviously that she had a dirty diaper. I asked her if she was stinky and she shook her head and told me "No, Barbie did it.".

Madeline (who is always sweet, loving and tries her hardest to make sure everyone around her is happy): I was telling the girls how they grow up so fast and I just want them to stay small and she replied with, "I'm still gonna love you when I'm 12, momma. And even when I'm 13.".

Emma (who loves her dad more than anything in this world): She spent all morning making the perfect art projects for him...drawings of the two of them surrounded by flowers, hearts and butterflies and a poem that said, "I miss you when you are at work. I miss you. I miss you. Every day I miss you." Yup, she has him wrapped around her finger :)

Even when I am exhausted and they are driving me crazy, I try to never lose sight of the fact that each day with tmy girls is such a blessing and these are the moments I will look back on years from now and long for :)

2010-07-06T19:44:00.000-07:00

my little monkey....

crazy girls!

doug

2010-07-06T19:36:00.000-07:00

we are watching doug for a month while kristin and jason are on vacation....it has been so sweet having my boy back in the house! the first day he was home, emma made a chart entitled "with my best dog" and she writes down what we do with him every day. i saw a journal entry that emma wrote a few weeks ago that said, "i wish for...dog and girl scouts". so, she's getting one of her wishes come true....for a few weeks, at least! the older girls have been great with taking turns walking him and claire loves to give him his bones. it's been fun to have him back in the house...and i'm sure it will be bittersweet when it's time to give him back :(

west palm beach...times two

2010-07-06T19:08:00.000-07:00

making pop pop proud on the drums

so amazing to have these birds all over us!

can't believe she got this close!

We've had so much fun crashing Kristin and Jason's house while they've been gone the last two weekends. I love nothing more than uninterrupted time with my family....probably what fuels my love of vacationing!! This past weekend was even better than the first. We spent a night with Holly and her family...it had been four years since I'd seen her...the longest we've ever gone. We went to dinner and to A Latte Fun and it was great to spend the night chatting with her while the kids and the husbands played. Emma and Madeline loved playing with Rileigh...and it was so sweetto see my daughters and Hollly's daughter walking hand in hand :) I wish they lived closer!

We spent the 4th of July at Lion Country Safari...soooo much fun! Claire was in awe of the animals and her face and her exclamations were adorable. I think that Em and Mad liked seeing Claire's reaction more than they liked the animals. They both adore their little sister...she is gonna be one spoiled rotten little girl. That night we watched the fireworks with the Riniker fam in Palm Beach...in the pouring rain. Claire was not a huge fan of the fireworks. She was hysterically funny as usual...she sat in her stroller with her head down and her hands folded with her back to the sky saying, "No look! Not pretty!" whenever I would ask her if she wanted to see. Madeline was actually afraid of the fireworks this year and kept asking to go home and go to bed...I don't know if it was more fear of the fireworks or of her being soaking wet and miserable :( Emma was a trooper...she didn't complain once...I think it's because she was happy to be there with Cole (slight little crush going on there, if you ask me).

We've had a busy but great start to the summer. I am slowly working out the kinks with naptime. It takes some effort to make sure that the girls go to sleep ok since they are in the same room...if they are not tired enough, they tend to get hyper and keep each other up, only to fall asleep right before claire wakes up. That's not ok with me, so I've had to get creative with planning out our days so that I can perfectly time my afternoon siesta :) It's been a process, but so far, so good. The girls have really been enjoying each other's company which has been sweet to watch and easy on me. They are all about playing with babies and stuffed animals right now and although their room has been a mess for a month straight, I can't complain because the tears, emotions and drama have been minimal! I am looking forward to a few quiet weeks at home, enjoying my girls and spending time with friends.....until our next trip. I can't ever stay still for too long!! ;)

solitude

2010-06-28T04:36:00.000-07:00

The soundtrack to my life is very LOUD... I live in in a blur of phone calls, emails, never ending texts, facebook posts and messages (that I barely remember to reply to) and three little girls that are usually screeching, singing, yelling, fighting, begging, pleading, hanging, squeezing....you get the picture. Every once in a while I feel the need to just escape it all...to not talk to another person, answer another text, not check another facebook status, or have a child hanging on me....just for a little while. Yesterday was one of those days....Ryan was sweet enough to recognize that I had not truly been without the kids in a long time (I'm sorry, but after about 7:00 at night, any relaxation I get does not count because the kids are already sleeping....I'm off the clock at that point....and half asleep myself!) so, he let me loose in the world all afternoon all by myself and it was blissful!!! I wandered around Coach (and scored some new sunglasses!), sat on the patio at Carrabba's with sangria, a salad and a good book, shopped a little more, grabbed some coffee and dessert and went to see a movie.....the best part of it all was that other than a goodnight phone call from the kids, I was in total silence...I tucked my iPhone away and enjoyed the peace and quiet of just being me for a few hours.....and it made waking up to the little voices this morning that much sweeter. :)

it's almost that time......

2010-06-02T17:18:00.000-07:00

here's where I've been spending all of my spare time.....getting ready for the big day!! can't wait to celebrate my two little girls! madeline can't wait either...she's been counting down to her birthday for months....now it's just ten days away and birthday talk is all the rage in our house right now :)

june already?

2010-06-02T16:28:00.001-07:00

Wow, May was a busy month for us...Ryan was away on business trips for a lot of it and the girls and I had a ton to do to keep us busy in his absence. I took Madeline and Claire to Orlando for a few days to visit with my family for a pre-mother's day celebration. We went to Epcot and stayed at the Nickelodeon Hotel for the first time....Madeline LOVED it. We had breakfast with Spongebob and Dora and spent a lot of time at the hotel's waterpark. Definitely can't wait to go back with the whole family!! Emma wasn't able to miss any school, so she stayed home with Ryan. I thought that she would be devastated to know that we were seeing grammy and pop pop and her cousins, going to Disney and staying at the Nick Hotel without her, but no.....she loved every second of having both the house and daddy to herself for a few days. They went kayaking, out to dinner and ice cream, out to breakfast, on a field trip to the zoo and to a birthday party....they crammed almost as much fun into the two days as mommy and the little girls did! As soon as we got back from that trip, we went to the beach spent an awesome mother's day weekend at The Pink Shell with Ryan's parents. Two days of beach, sun and sand was bliss!!!! Needless to say, I'm dying to go back. I think I could adjust very easily to just living in hotels all weekend long :)

Emma was a rockstar with her teeth today. She does not look nearly as different as I expected her to...I am used to it already. When she smiles, you can't even see her missing teeth (all on the bottom) and I LOVE her new little lisp from having all that air in her mouth!! She was very sleepy for most of the day, but not in pain at all. The dentist gave her a little treasure box to keep her teeth in and she carried it around all day and placed it very gently under her pillow before bed tonight. She was lying in bed trying to force herself to fall asleep and telling me how long she's been waiting for the tooth fairy to come and how she's so glad the moment is finally here. So adorable! Madeline was amazed at Emma's blood and gauze in her mouth and that she got to eat ice cream all day and kept saying that she couldn't wait until one day when she is six and has her teeth come out and has bleed and eats ice cream! When it was time to go to bed, though, she was terrified of having the tooth fairy come into their room and I had to convince her (while winking at Emma) that I would leave a note for the tooth fairy to leave the money on the kitchen counter and not to come into their room. Ok, so I'm a liar, but sometimes you just need the kid to go to bed!!!!

One week from today, Claire will be two. What the heck?!?! This is by far, the longest I have gone without being pregnant in almost seven years. By this time, I am almost ready to pop and here I am with an empty womb! Honestly, I feel that our family is perfectly complete and three is the perfect amount of kids for us...not too few, where I feel unsatisfied, and not too many...we can still really invest in each of them. BUT....it is hitting me more and more every day that my baby making days are behind me and my babies are growing up. Sometime in the next year, my household will be diaperless...FOREVER. To some that may seem like a relief, but to me, it's just one more thing that shows how fast time flies and how they only stay little for such a short time. To think that just a few years ago, I was seeing fertility doctors and fearing that I would never know the joy of being a mom.....and suddenly here I am with three amazing little girls that are growing up so fast. Ok, back to Claire Bear....her personality is really starting to come out....she's hilarious! She has the ability to make anyone who meets her fall instantly in love with her. Her facial expressions are out of control and she's always wanting to put on a show. From the time Ryan comes home at night until she goes to bed, she is constantly performing for him. She talks nonstop...the same way Emma was as a toddler and I LOVE that. I love that this little, tiny pipsqueak can say anything and everything :) She is in love with her sisters....and they fawn all over her. Madeline walks around all day tending to her every need....which equals SPOILED! For as cute as Claire is, she is also a monster....terribly two in every way! I can't dress her, brush her teeth, help her get in or out of her carseat, everything is "I DO IT!!!" and all out tantrums rolling around on the floor screaming her head off. Many times I just leave her there because there is no way I am giving in to her complete brattiness...eventually she gets over it :) I am starting to win a few battles with her (big milestone!) and it's so nice to finally see some progress with her behavior. I can't believe that my baby is gonna be two....didn't she just learn how to walk?! (oh wait, she did ;))

Madeline is all about journaling lately :) She will not go anywhere without a notebook and a pen (I have to pry them away from her at naptime). Considering the fact that she has never been to school yet, she's amazing with her writing. She knows a few key words and names and writes and doodles in her journal and asks me every now and then when she needs to know how to spell something. It doesn't hurt that she has a big sister that she looks up to and sits with everyday when she does her homework! She is a great swimmer...a little fish in the water....she could stay in all day. She, thankfully, has given up her love of "down arms" and now wants to dress in cozy clothes every day...it works out great for me that crewcuts just so happens to make extremely comfortable clothing ;)

Emma has two weeks of kindergarten left (SNIFF SNIFF!!). Her grades are great and her reading is incredible. She read a fifty page book to Ryan last night...it's amazing what one year can do. She has finally hit her stride in school....just in time for it to end. Boo :( Her and her teacher are best buds...Mrs. Johnson has been the best blessing to us this year for Em. Such a fabulous teacher and full of wisdom and she's really helped Emma to come out of her shell. I stopped by the classroom the other day, unexpectedly, to drop something off and Emma was lit up like I've never seen her before. Mrs. Johson walked Emma to the car after school one day last week and said, "Oh, if I could keep her forever!" and Emma was beaming. As a parent, not only is that the nicest thing to hear someone say about your child, but I can't explain how great it felt to see Emma know how much she's loved. While I am looking forward to this summer and to having Emmy around all day, I am not ready for this school year to end :(

Ok, so probably the longest post ever...the end :)

p.s. just noticed that the last picture on the bottom of my blog is of me holding madeline at her 1st birthday party.....was that really three years ago??? can't believe that little peanut is gonna be four next week. either i need to update my pictures or my kids just need to stop growing up!

the first five....

2010-06-02T05:00:00.000-07:00

If there is one thing I have learned about Emma, it's that most things in life don't come easily for her. Sooooooooo, in true Emma fashion, she is on her way to the dentist this morning to lose not her first tooth, but her first FIVE! Nope...no loose, wiggly, when is it gonna fall out, first tooth loss here. Instead, she is getting drugged up and having five pulled. Her adult teeth are already coming in and her baby teeth are not even close to being loose yet, so the dentist is taking matters into his own hands :) Her poor mouth is already a mess....it's tiny and there is not enough room for her teeth....the dentist likes to remind me every time I'm in there that we have a lot of work cut out for us and she's gonna need tons of orthodontic work...great! I am waiting on edge to see what she looks like after this morning....kids always look so grown up once they start losing their teeth....it's like a whole new level of "kidness". I remember when each of those teeth came in and darn it, I'm not ready to say goodbye to them yet!!!!! Once again, here I sit, experiencing a whole new first as a mom and wishing that my baby could stay a baby FOREVER. On the bright side, at least I get to play tooth fairy tonight! I'll post some pics as soon as she lets me take them ;)

i love when....

2010-04-29T18:51:00.001-07:00

madeline turns her notebook upside down to write a "w", because she knows that a "w" is an upside down "m" and she's not sure how else to make it.

emma picks out claire's outfit in the morning, changes her diaper and gets her dressed for the day.

claire repeats every single thing I say...the combination of big words and a baby voice is waaaay too cute.

the girls go absolutely crazy when ryan walks in the door after work....and feeling that our family is finally complete because he's home.

claire...in a nutshell

2010-04-23T05:42:00.000-07:00

Claire has been TERRIBLE this past week. Absolutely, positively terrible. I don't know if she's not feeling well (though I did take her to the doctor and no illness was found!), teething, or just merely approaching two and ready to raise hell. She screeches and screams all day long and begs for something and then once she gets it, she screams that she doesn't want it. She holds onto my legs constantly, crying and whining and then she'll go into flip out mode and bite or hit the closest person to her (or thing for that matter....yesterday the chair in chick fil a got a big chomp from her). She is absolutely insane right now, and I'm just praying that this phase won't be long lived. The good news is that we have a babysitter coming tonight and she gets to deal with it for a few hours....sorry Amber! ;)

sibling rivalry

2010-04-23T05:16:00.000-07:00

Sibling rivalry is at it's worst in our house this morning and I want to SCREAM!!! Emma and Madeline both got Nintendo DS's for Christmas. Emma got a cute little plaid purse/carrying case for hers and Santa did not bring Madeline a case...guess he just couldn't find the right one ;) For the past four months, this has been absolutely fine. Emma has loved her case and Madeline has not even thought twice about the fact that she didn't have one. WELL.....yesterday I found a kit for the DS's that had a car charger (huge bonus....never seen a car charger for a DS before and much needed!), some backup stylus's in case the girls lose theirs, screen protectors, ear buds and a NOT EVEN REMOTELY CUTE CASE. I bought the kit for the accessories and the case was just along for the ride. This morning, I divied up the accessories for the girls and offered the case to Madeline as an afterthought...an ugly case is better than no case, right? That's what Madeline thought. Emma, on the other hand, discovered that Madeline's case had a wristlet strap, therefore making it cool, and it's been war ever since. Seriously????? She's had her own adorable little case for months and her sister has had this cheesy little one for five minutes and the emotions are out of control. Ah, this is just a little taste of why everything has to be even steven around here or little girls will lose their minds!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

the art of doing NOTHING

2010-04-21T12:03:00.000-07:00

Life for us is usually crazy busy and I love that. I love always having somewhere to go, some fun activity planned for the kids and great friends to share our days with. That being said, the girls have taken turns being sick for the past week and I have absolutely LOVED every second of the solace. I don't think that my house has ever been this clean, my closets this organized, my laundry this caught up, my fridge this stocked (or my blog this up to date!). I'm like a real housewife ;) Seriously, though....it's been so relaxing to be able to stay on top of the household chores and jusy really enjoy downtime with my girls. We've been swimming, coloring, playing in the backyard, making a mess with playdough....it's been quiet and easy and great. The big girls have been getting along great, too, which is a HUGE plus! It's also so nice in the midst of it all to have some peace and quiet during naptime where I can go outside and soak in some sun and spend some time in the word. I'm sure before long, we'll be back to busy-ness with school, doctors appointments, gymnastics, sparkles, small group, bible study, playdates, beach days, park outings, shopping trips, date nights, girls night out, etc...but for now...I'm doing nothing and I'm loving it!!

old soul

2010-04-21T05:39:00.000-07:00

Pretty much her entire life, everyone has always referred to Emma as an old soul. She has always tended to be more serious and inquisitive rather than silly and carefree like most kids. This morning, she's reading the newspaper and checking out the local real estate to see if she can find a new house for us. The funny thing is that she is totally serious about it and whenever she finds something noteworthy, she calls me in and lists all of the selling points....she cracks me up!! Love that girl :)

friends!

2010-04-20T06:19:00.000-07:00

The weather is getting warmer and we've been having so much fun enjoying spending time with friends!

super boots

2010-04-20T06:05:00.000-07:00

Claire's braces finally came in last week. The therapist told us to put them on her for an hour a day at first and then eventually work up to her wearing them 5-6 hours a day. It's incredible how much stronger and more stable she is when she's wearing them. I can tell that she loves it too, because she gets so excited when I put them on her and once they are on, she's wants to keep them on all day! I found some little plaid sneakers for her to wear them with....could've been waaay worse...with pants, you can't even tell that she's wearing them ;)

madeline's world

2010-04-19T13:15:00.000-07:00

What happens when you are stuck in the house with sick kids for the day? Your 3 year old ends up with her own "log"! As ridiculous as it sounds....it's true. Madeline's world is the newest blog to hit the boyd family :) Little bit of typing herself, little bit of help from mommy and she's on her way...check it out at madelinesworldone.blogspot.com! ;)

favorites :)

2010-04-19T06:25:00.000-07:00

It's favorites time again! Here's what I'm loving right now....

1. neon colors. Hello 80's! I'm loving little pops of neon color for the spring. My absolute favorite is when they are paired with dull, drab colors...so unexpected and so cute :)

2. The Flat Belly Diet....soooo nice to have a quick and easy routine to follow when I've over done it on the birthday cake and need to get my body back to normal....and the best part is that it really works!!!

3. Proverbs. I have been captivated by the book of Proverbs lately. It holds so much wisdom and such a clear example of what it looks like to live righteously. I can't not read it.

4. weekends. Cliche, I know. But, I love this time of year when we don't have soccer games or football sunday to close in on our weekends...we can be doing everything or nothing, but the point is that we are doing it all together as a family and I live for that!!

5. denim shorts. I am slightly obsessed with my distressed boyfriend jean shorts right now....probably means I'm wearing them a little too often ;)

6. sunshine! I forgot how beautiful springtime in Florida really is. I'm loving every minute of beach time and pool time that we are able to squeeze in...and I'm loving the little bitty tan lines that come along with it!

7. sisterly love . The way that the girls love each other is so adorable I can hardly stand it!! Claire clings to her older sisters and they think she is the most precious thing in the world. It's so sweet to see Emma try to meet every one of Claire's needs....wanting to get her out of her crib in the morning, change her diaper, feed her, dress her, pack a diaper bag for when we go out....soooo sweet!

8. cruising. The easiest, cheapest, best vacation EVER!!!

9. running. Still one of my true loves...if only there were more hours in the day...

10. Getting a babysitter on a random weekday and going out to lunch and shopping with girlfriends......it's like a mini break from reality and leaves me feeling sooooo renewed :)

11. my husband. I feel overwhelmingly blessed that after this many years, I am still absolutely crazy about him.

12. party planning. Since I've had kids, party planning has become my hobby and my outlet for creativity. Madeline and Claire's June birthday party has quickly become my favorite event of the year to plan. June is soon approaching and I am starting to get in full party planning mode...I'm thinking circus theme with pony rides, face painting, popcorn machines....can't wait!!!

peanuts

2010-03-21T18:09:00.000-07:00

I am in love with the ages of my kids right now and wish that I could freeze time. I love having a six year old who is on the brink of being a big kid, on the brink of learning big things, on the brink of showing me what scary responsibilities lie ahead for me as a mother. I love having a three year old that is old enough to say big words yet little enough to mispronounce them in her adorably cute little voice. I love having a one year old that makes my day with every kiss, every new word and every new mannerism. It is so bittersweet for me to love where they are now, while knowing how quickly time flies and how these days won't last forever. The days are long, the battles are many, the reality of the responsibility in raising them is often overwhelming, but being blessed enough to be their mom is worth every lost hour of sleep, every shred of my patience that's lost and every fear of what the future holds and who they will become. I love my little peanuts.

march madness

2010-03-21T17:45:00.000-07:00

March has been a crazy, busy month for us....two big trips for Ryan and one golf event here that he hosted for a few days....and a stomach bug for the whole family in between.

We are in full swing now of Claire's physical therapy on tuesday and thursday mornings. It actually is so much fun for both of the girls....they are essentially in a big room with all new and different toys and balls and while Claire is playing in specific ways that are strengthening her muscles, Madeline is just running around going crazy! Claire is talking up a storm now and listening to her talk is by far my favorite part of the day....like when she walks around the house saying, "come on mommy" whenever she needs something :) She is so excited to be walking now and it's just so sweet to see how proud she is. She walks around the house saying, "I walk, I walk" over and over again. She refuses to let me carry her anymore (though it's often a battle because it's sooooo much easier for me to just pick her up!) so it takes us forever to get from point A to point B, but she is so proud and so happy to be walking that it's just too cute to resist.

Madeline just started gymnastics and she's not sure yet if she likes it "a little bit" or "a lot a bit", but her best friend Layla is there and that's really all that matters. As Madeline told me the other day, she is "a lipstick girl, a candy girl, a gum girl, a Jane girl and a Layla girl"....that pretty much sums it up....those five things are the loves of her life. She's still in her "down arms" phase and will only wear spaghetti straps....I am about to burn a certain orange dress that she has been wearing for the past three months. She'll spill food all over it, sleep in it and then insist on putting it on again the next day. I think everyone we know is sick of seeing it!

Em is loving being in Sparkles club with the girls from church and loves having that to look forward to after school. Last week, they met and had a tea party and made jewelry and took home a bag full of chocolate....just her style :) I can't believe how quickly she's learning how to read. She can pick up a book and read to her sisters...so cute. She's still obsessed with becoming a teacher and she tries so hard to teach Madeline everything she learns in school and doesn't quite get it when Mad's attention span is gone after the first two minutes. She's such a little mom with Claire....the relationship between them is precious. She jumps at the chance to get Claire a drink or snack or help putting her in her carseat, etc. If only she felt the same way about Madeline my days would be much smoother ;)
Ryan just left to go snowboarding today, so I've got a long week ahead of me. When he is out of town, I tend to keep my schedule completely full so that I don't have to think about how much I miss him. We've got an entire week of playdates, lunch dates and dinner dates to look forward to and hopefully it will seem like he's home in no time!

amen!

2010-01-28T17:47:00.001-08:00

Emma practically bounced her way into the car this afternoon. She was happier and more excited than I have seen her in a LONG time. She raved about her day and all of the highlights from it...this never happens with her...never!!! I even noticed behavior changes in her and a gentleness towards Madeline that I have not seen in a long time. She is happy with a capital H :) I spent so much time praying through the decision to switch her and I am so blessed to see the outcome after only the first two days. God is good and his ways are perfect and I am so thankful for that. It is so encouraging to see your child go from surviving to thriving and I can only pray that this would only be the starting point for that in her life.

And on another note....I just booked our cruise....girl's weekend three weeks from tomorrow....yay!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

funnies of the day

2010-01-28T11:41:00.001-08:00

Took little miss Em to get her "modeling shots" done this week. With all of the stress over moving classes, she has been in rare form the past few weeks...lots of sleepless nights and nervousness has left her with even more attitude than usual. Maria (bless her heart for putting up with it!) was still able to get some good shots of her and I think despite the attitude, Emma enjoyed it maybe a little bit?? When they were finished, Emma told me that she still wanted to be a model, but only the picture kind and that she's never walking down a runway or "that aisle thing" as she put it. She started her new class at school yesterday and she sobbed the whole car ride home, begging to go back to her old class. In the midst of her tears, she asked if she could have some friends over to play because maybe being with some "framiliar" people would make her feel better. So, Colin and Ryan came over to ride bikes and play outside and that cheered her up. The rest of the night as Em talked about her new class, things seemed to look brighter. She made some new friends and everyone in her old class is like "in love with her" and misses her now that she's gone. She's got the best of both worlds :) I was anticipating a rough time dropping her off today, but she hopped right out of the car and seemed eager to get to class....huge answer to prayer! Emma is by far my most emotionally needy/complex child (so far) and she is the one that I worry about the most when she's not with me....I can't wait to pick her up today and hear how day two went for her. Underneath all that attitude is a tender hearted little girl who just doesn't always know how to handle herself and I pray continually that God would equip me to shephard her.

Yesterday morning I was making pancakes for breakfast and as I was struggling to get the griddle out of the cabinet, Claire crawled over, patted me on the back and said, "you ok mama?"....it was the sweetest thing ever!! Then after I managed to pull it out, she clapped her hands and yelled, "good girl!". Oh, how I love her!

Madeline is so refreshing in the fact that she is all about her manners. All day long, even if she is half asleep, it is please and thank you and i'm sorry and i love you's coming out of her mouth. Last time we were at my sister's house, Madeline borrowed a pair of underwear from Jane and she accidentally wore them home. This was four or five months ago and as Madeline went to put those same panties on the other day, she says to me "I'm sorry I took Jane's panties on accident, mommy." I told her it was ok and that next time we saw Jane we would give them back and she replied with, "No, I'm really sorry mommy and I need to call Jane and tell her I'm sorry." Oh goodness, I love her sweet and gentle heart. I am so thankful for her desire to do good and I hope that is a trait that she carries with her always.

Motherhood is such a high calling and I heard a friend today say that she hopes at the end of it all, her children would say that she loved and disciplined them with wisdom and with kindness....I pray those same things for myself.

monkey in the middle

2010-01-22T05:03:00.000-08:00

Emma and Claire have been so time consuming lately because of school and medical issues and rather than getting lost in the shuffle, Mad has been like a little ray of sunshine thru it all. She is by far the biggest lover of them all....it's hugs and kisses and i "luf" you's all day long. She has been a great sport about being dragged around to doctor's appointments and teacher meetings...she just sings, dances and "lipsticks" her way through it. Lately when I look at her I can see that she is quickly turning from a toddler into a little girl. Her feet are almost as big as Emma's...they've just started sharing shoes and clothes. I've also started noticing that she's much taller than most kids her age....something tells me that she's not gonna be short like her mama. When she is with Emma and her friends, she does not want to be the little sister...she wants to be included right along with the big girls. Sometimes this works out really well and sometimes there are lots of tears and heartbreak :( She tells me all the time that she wants to be five and when I ask her what is so good about five her response is "emma". She loves her big sister and wants to be just like her. She also adores her baby sister and is so sweet and gentle with her. I love to overhear her talking about her sisters to someone and referring to them as "my sista named emma" or "my sista named claio". She loves big and she loves hard and she makes my days so easy :)

emma grace

2010-01-21T19:06:00.000-08:00

Tomorrow is Emma's last day in Mr. DiNoto's class at school. As of next week, she will move to Mrs. Johnson's class. Since the beginning of the school year, we have been unhappy with her class placement for several different reasons and finally came to a point where we could not ignore the situation any longer. After much thinking, praying, private school touring and begging...the principal agreed to move her to the other class. I have met with her new teacher several times this week in preparation and geez, do we have our work cut out for us. This new class is much more advanced and much further ahead and I will have lots to do with her at home in the coming weeks to get her up to speed. She is fearful of the change and is not looking forward to being the center of attention on her first day as the "new girl", but I am confindent that this change will be for the best. I'm just hoping that there aren't too many tears when I drop her off the first day....it will break my heart. I've been trying to prep her as much as possible this past week, hoping that it will take her uneasiness away...most of it, at least.

We are starting to plan her birthday party (yay!). I can't believe that she will be six in a few weeks. I am absolutely baffled by how quickly time goes by when you have kids. IT'S HEARTBREAKING!!!!!!!!! She is having her party at The Butterfly Estates...should be cute and fun....I can't wait! I love being in party planning mode....my creative juices are flowing :)

She has decided that she wants to be a model and is very concerned that her school schedule is going to interrupt her career and she's not sure how she will juggle it all. LOL! I told her that first, she's got to actually SMILE in front of the camera and not just glare at it. She says she's willing to try :) I think I feel a photo shoot coming up..... ;)

claire update

2010-01-21T18:47:00.000-08:00

I took Claire for her physical yesterday and so far, so good. Her first batch of bloodwork came back negative and the doctor seemed to think that she would only be in the orthodics for a year and by the time she got to school, no one would ever suspect that she had a problem. She also told me to hold off on the MRI for a few months, because she didn't think it was going to be necessary. All around, it was a very encouraging appointment with nothing but good news. :)

As the days go by, it is becoming increasingly difficult for Claire to be so big yet still crawling. When we are at the playground, she gets annoyed and uncomfortable crawling thru the mulch and reaches for me to take her hand and says, " I walk. I walk." Yup..breaks my heart just a little bit. She also gets frustrated when she is crawling along the equipment to get to the slide and the other kids run past her, getting there first. She screams "STOP" at the top of her lungs, trying to get them to come back and let her go ahead. If nothing else, it's a good lesson in patience. Yesterday, I was in my bathroom getting ready and I could hear Claire across the house saying, "mom...i want some" over and over again. When she finally got to me, I realized that she had crawled all the way across the house dragging a loaf of bread next to her to come and tell me that she wanted a peanut butter sandwich. There is something so cute, funny and sad about seeing a child who is big enough to go into the pantry, get a loaf of bread and ask for a sandwich, all while crawling on her hands and knees. :(

On a more positive note, she has made huge progress in the past week in her "super shoes". She's standing pretty steadily on her own and braves a few steps here and there. That alone is encouragement to me that with a little bit of physical therapy and these braces on her legs, she will be up and at it in no time. I'm still waiting for the results from the last batch of bloodwork and genetic testing, but I am prayerful and confident that the results will be good!

where to start?!

2010-01-18T05:18:00.000-08:00

Wow, it's been so long since I've blogged and there is so much to catch up on that I don't even know where to start!! Christmas was WONDERFUL as usual :) My parents came to visit for a few days before Christmas and it was so fun to just spend some lazy time with them, enjoying their company. The kids absolutely love it when they get to be with Grammy and Pop Pop! By the time Christmas rolled around, Emma once again believed in Santa Claus and she was up all night Christmas Eve because she swore that she heard the footsteps from his big boots :) Madeline got a gold sparkly purse filled with lipstick and nailpolish and a month later it is still her prized possession...she carries it around from the time she wakes up until she goes to bed at night. Claire did not get as many presents as the other girls, simply because she is still little and I didn't think she would notice...WRONG!!! She was a freak about opening presents this year and opened everyone else's once she ran out of gifts. oops! Emma and Madeline both got Nintendo DS's and Claire was so jealous screaming "mine" and trying to snatch them. Looks like next year we may have to start buying three of everything ;) We had a quiet morning at home with just our family and then Ryan's parents and Rach came over for the rest of the day. It was a lot of fun and a lot of work...I am starting to realize that being a mom/hostess means that I pretty much don't do anything on Christmas now but hang out in the kitchen preparing one meal and then the next. As I was in the kitchen at midnight on christmas eve cooking, I was thinking how much I would rather be the kid in bed trying to sleep while anxiously awaiting christmas morning and not the mom slaving away. Darn!

Our trip to NJ was fabulous! Once again, the kids were way better in the car than I would expect a 1, 3 and 5 year old to be for that many hours. We had so much fun exploring the country and I loved the endless hours of enjoying Ryan's company in the front seat. Pretty much, I'm ready to do it again :) On the way up, we stayed in Asheville for a few days and enjoyed the cold weather and a beautiful city! We felt right at home in Medford....I think I had a play date almost every day we were there and I LOVE catching up with old friends. I finally got to meet Jodi (who I hope will be my new sister in law soon?!) and we hit it off right away. I'm looking forward to spending more time with her and Nate when they come to visit this week!

Claire, of course has had a lot going on lately. I finally decided that enough was enough and I wanted the doctor to look further into why she's not walking. Last week was crazy busy with doctors appointments and lots of bloodwork (12 vials!) and a physical therapy evaluation. The outcome so far is that Claire has "hypotonia" a low muscle tone condition. There is usually a long wait to get an appointment with a pediatric neurologist...the first doctor I called had a five month wait. The second doctor I called had just had a cancellation and asked if I could come in the next day...A HUGE BLESSING! I could not imagine waiting five more months to find out why she's not walking!! The minute the neurologist touched Claire, she told me flat out that she has low muscle tone and that's why she can't walk. Bascially, hypotonia is a symptom of another problem...anything from cerebral palsy to a thyroid problem to a genetic disorder and the list goes on. Claire has an MRI next monday to see if there are any abnormalities in her brain and then we wait on the bloodwork to see what the cause is. The neurologist was very hopeful that the problem would be something treatable because in all other areas of development, Claire is doing great. In her evaluation, she was off the charts for cognitive, speech and fine motor skills. I had to go buy her the UGLIEST! high top walking shoes that I have ever seen (this is payback for how neurotic I am about my kids' wardrobes, I'm sure) and she's shown so much improvement since then....even standing on her own for short periods of time. Within the next week or two, we should be hearing back from Early Steps and getting her PT started and get her fitted for her leg braces (!). I am anxious to get her in them and see how she progresses and to see what she looks like in them :) So far, I have so much peace about the whole situation. I do not think that it is a surprise to God that Claire has this condition. I also do not think that it is a coincidence that she was my only baby that was conceived naturally and was a surprise (shock!) to us. I know that God has a plan for Claire and that she will have an amazing story to tell one day because of it. I believe that she will develop great character from this and I pray that it would build a sweet, caring, compassionate spirit in her. I pray the same for her sisters....that growing up with a little sister that they love so much who is different from other kids will give them a heart that is softened towards other people and that they would know first hand that what's on the outside isn't all that counts. So, leg braces and ugly (hideously ugly!) shoes aside, although I would never desire this for my baby, I am in a way thankful for the good that I know will come from it. God has a plan and His plan is always perfect :)

santa who?

2009-12-20T19:45:00.000-08:00

Since Emma was two years old, she has been asking question after question about Santa...really making me work to convince her that he is real. I remember changing the wrapping paper on her gifts at midnight on christmas eve that year so that she would believe that Santa really did bring them. I picked out the ugliest paper that I could find...something that didn't look like anything I would ever buy...all of this to convince a two year old that there was such thing as Santa!! This year, she has started saying things like Santa comes to her classroom every night and puts something special in their stockings. Then she'll say, "Well...Mr. DiNoto REALLY does it and he just tells the kids it's Santa". The other day, I overheard her telling her friends that Santa is fake. I asked her later on what she meant by that and she just kept saying that Santa is fake and he's just a grandpa with a red suit on and there's no way he really knows what we do, etc. I told her that if she doesn't believe in him, he may not bring her gifts...she replied with, "Ok, fine then..he's real. But he's really not." Ugh! She's only five years old and way too young not to believe in Santa, but she's such a realist and sees things in black and white and just can't be convinced. I'm not giving in, though. I'm not ready to let the dream die. Above all, I want my kids to know and appreciate what Christmas is really about....the fact that God loved us so much that He took on the form of man and walked and lived among us and then died undeservingly so that we may live. I, however, am such a dreamer/romantic/sensationalist and a HUGE lover of christmas, that not having my kids believe in Santa is just out of the question ;)

cookie time!

2009-12-17T10:35:00.000-08:00

The girls and I made cookies yesterday to take to Emma's class Christmas party. The kitchen was a disaster....it looked like an explosion of flour, food coloring and sprinkles, BUT the girls had sooooo much fun that it made the clean up worth it. We ended up not making enough, so the lucky girls get to do it all over again today. Tis the season!

thirty one

2009-12-16T14:55:00.001-08:00

I can't believe I am thirty one. I can't believe that before I know it, I will be fourty one and thirty one will seem YOUNG. I had a great birthday this year.!!! Ryan knows how much of a birthday freak I am, so he takes off of work every year and spends the entire day doing everything and anything I want to do. I love it!! This year, I woke up to a huge breakfast buffet(which I could barely eat because I was still full from dinner at The Cheesecake Factory with my girlfriends the night before!), a treasure hunt of cards around the house from the kids and of course a pile of presents :) We spent the day in Naples at the mall "Christmas shopping" (I think everything we bought was actually for ourselves and no one else....). Ryan's mom was nice enough to watch the girls for us that night so we could go on a date....and shop some more. :)

As a reflection on yet another year of my life coming to a close, I thought I would take a second to jot down 31 blessings in my life as I turn 31......

1. a God that loves me unconditionally in spite of soooo many shortcomings
2. a husband that I stilll get excited about after half a lifetime together
3. emma's eyes
4. madeline's curls
5. claire's cheeks
6. my mom's wisdom and advice...especially when it comes to parenting
7. my dad's sweetness/tenderness
8. a sister who is my best friend
9. a best friend that feels like another sister
10. in laws that I actually love being with
11. the world's sweetest grandma and grandpa "in law" to take the place of the ones that I don't have
12. that I never have to be sad when I wake up the day after my birthday, or letdown that it's over, because Christmas is then only 1o days away!!
13. ryan's new "faux hawk" hairdo. totally on accident and totally adorable!! :)
14. running outside
15. the smell of my christmas tree
16. tiny white christmas lights
17. pigtails
18. proverbs 31...and the way it challenges me to be a better wife and mother
19. Godly women that I can learn from and strive to resemble
20. going to endless birthday parties with the kids...and eating tons of cake
21. girls night out
22. something crazy like 6 or 7 trips away without the kids this year....i'm so spoiled
23. madeline's hilarious dance moves
24. the way emma figures out these "big ideas" on her own and they are so simple to me, yet so profound to her
25. when claire screams at the top of her lungs with excitement when Ryan comes home
26. little things that i stumble upon in my day that remind me of my brother...like a certain song or food that triggers a memory of him
27. going to the movies...even if it's my myself...a few hours in a quiet theater is priceless
28. coffee!!
29. a husband that always puts his family first and always makes me feel loved and secure
30. naptime
31. listening to christmas carols in the car or as i clean the house (and not just in december!)

I could go on all day, my life is so blessed in many ways. But for the sake of my thirty first birthday, I'll spare you all the rest and stop at thirty one :)

pancakes

2009-12-04T05:21:00.000-08:00

Yesterday, I made the kids pancakes for breakfast and they inhaled them. I was loving the fact that their bellies were full and they weren't begging for snacks and hour later (as they do most days, when they only pick at their breakfast). So....today, I made pancakes again.....Emma ate 1/2 of a pancake, nobody else even touched one and I have 11 1/2 leftover. I don't know if I am more annoyed that suddenly, nobody in this house likes the very thing that they loved the day before, the fact that they are going to be starving in a little while and begging for food (to which I will not give in, because I am annoyed at the whole pancake scenario and this will cause some major drama), or at the fact that this all happenend before 7am while it was still pitch black outside and I would've much rather been in bed than in the kitchen making pancakes in the first place!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Thank goodness for blogging, and a place to let out my frustrations!!! :)

blah blah blog

2009-12-03T05:16:00.000-08:00

This week has been like groundhog's day for me...not much to write about. Kids up at the crack of dawn, starving and begging for breakfast, school, gym, errands, lunch, naps, homework, dinner, kids to bed, me fast asleep on the couch, blah, blah , blah. I am in need of either a night out, a morning to sleep in, or both!!

We started our annual advent calendar this week....so much fun for the kids and sooo festive, so of course I love it, too :) Each day, someone gets a gift out of the calendar. This is the first year that I have really had to put a lot of thought into who gets what on which day, because I am anticipating lots of sibling rivalry, aka "mad gets EVERYTHING", or "that's not fair...how come emma gets that and I don't?!!?!". Day three, and so far so good...the girls have been pretty gracious with each other and there has been no drama yet :)

We are getting into full Christmas swing around here. I love every second of it!! Last weekend, I took the kids to the play area at Gulf Coast and it was the perfect night...55 degrees outside, kids all bundled up, Christmas carols playing through the speakers at the playground, a peppermint mocha for me and cookies for the kids....I didn't want the night to end! The next day, we took the kids to see Santa. This was maybe the first year that nobody was afraid of him...Claire and Mad hopped right up on his lap and Emma got to snuggle by his side. Em asked him for "paperoni" and Mad asked for a bike. "Santa" had no idea that Mad wanted a bike, so we'll see what happens with that ;) Emma, who I am pretty sure has been questioning whether Santa is real or not for her entire life, has been talking ever since about how the workers there better do a really good job or else nobody will believe in the magic of Christmas?!?! She puts way toooo much thought into everything, if you ask me!

Well, I hear Mickey Mouse Clubhouse starting in the background (again!), so I know that I've got about 15 minutes before we need to leave for school!